Friday, December 12, 2008

Standing in Two Worlds (and getting nowhere)

The woman on the book cover was looking in the mirror. The name of the book is "Woman on the Edge of Two Worlds". She is facing changes in her body brought about by 'the change of life'.
I also feel as if I am changing in a major way. (Not the change of life - got no hot flashes) but I am beginning to think and act differently (so much so that even I notice it).
For example, I was watching a sit com on TV last night and I changed the channel because I thought the main character was acting selfish and rude to other people. I did not see the humor in it. In general I see TV less as entertainment and more as brain-numbing. Not too ago, I was a television addict. Has the quality of TV programs changed that much, no I think I have.
I am standing in two worlds now - and this is not a good place to be. I am not yet brave enough to let go of the old world (what I used to be) and become the new me. I am like the child who needs to take off the Band-aid but knows it will hurt. Instead of all at once, I am letting time pull it off and time pulls slow. I need to shed it but I am hesitating and procrastinating. I guess I am just a scaredy-cat.
I have gone through many transitions in my life - for some reason this one seems difficult - my feet are encased in mud and cement - I am seemingly paralyzed. Writing is a s struggle but it is also the way I measure my progress - so I keep writing everyday - hoping to work through things.
Sorry for the bummer of a post but I am being true to how I feel today.

Have a good weekend,

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