Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Real Me (or Who do I think I am at this point in time)

Its time to drop all facades and let the real me out. That is the conclusion, I came to last night after I had yet another SO You Think You're a Guru moments. This is the path of logic that I followed:
I always was spiritual when I was a kid but in an effort to fit in I became the chameleon - changing my appearance to fit my surroundings. Then when I found that my chameleon act did work and I did fit in, I made the misstep of thinking it was my act, my facade, that people accepted and not me. And then I made the worse misstep of believing my own act - I thought I was who I was pretending to be. And as the years passed by, I discovered that inside I was displeased with myself because I was not being my true self (except that I focused on the displeasure part and not so much on the not being me part which meant I spent a lot of time and trouble trying to fix the wrong part). And now I am spending time and effort, trying to be who I really am. (the effort comes in weeding out the overgrown patch of chameleon weeds, the ones that pretend to be something else).

So now comes the part where I need to say who I am and then I can determine if this statement is real me or not real me.
1) I like to write [Not real me Because I Love to write]
2) I can't get enough stuff (thoughts, ideas, paths taken, prayers) from true spiritual seekers
[my rule of thumb on how I determine if someone is false or true spiritual seeker - how hard is this person trying to make me their follower] ***this is true me****
3) I am willing to go to hell and back to aid someone(who asks for my help) ***true me***
4) I like to talk to 'invisible helpers' (I use that term because I think that the term 'angels' brings about many, many misconceptions such as blonde haired men and women with feathery wings - the angels I have seen in dreams are beings of energy not feathers - for some strange reason this bugs me) ***true me***
5) I like chocolate (70 % or higher) and coffee - I don't know about this one - I could be, gasp, fooling myself about the coffee. but in general objeccts or things are outside of me and do not show who I am, do they ?
6) I like making lists - not me - I think lists are boring. Opps, I guess I am catering to others if I am worried about being boring.
7) I like to preach - sadly that is real me (one of the things I would like to change because when I preach I tend not to listen and then I lose all the neat stuff others are saying and doing.
8) There is no number eight - just filler here
9) I try to make myself look important by writing bigger lists (not me and is me)
10) I want to be real again and spiritual (I think this is one and the same AND I truly feel this is the real me)

That is all I can think of for now. I guess I'll deal with this stuff as it comes up and as I notice it.

Love yourself because you are like me - a wonder of God,

1 comment:

Soulsearcher said...

You seem to be making fine progress on becoming your authentic self and your own guru. Great! It may change and become less satisfying, but remember: that is just part of the spiral. At that point it is important to remember: Keep going.