Thursday, January 29, 2009

Asking More and Better Questions

An online friend told me that there is a difference between making statements and asking questions.
"Well, duh", I said, "When you ask a question, you want an answer. when you just say something, you only want to be affirmed." I sat back and waited for her to say that's right.

But she did not. instead she added to my statement.
"No I mean - in the brain. I read somewhere that scientists have discovered that when we ask questions, we use a different part of the brain than when we just talk."

If my face could talk, it would have said 'huh?' at that moment.
She continued talking,

"Questions activate the creative side of the brain. Statements activate the side of the brain that does the mundane day-to-day stuff."

"So what does that mean ?" I asked unknowingly activating my creative section of my brain.

"It means that when we ask a question, we activate the part of our brain that seeks an answer. This part of the brain is in touch with the idea center part of the brain and the idea center puts out a signal into the universe that an answer is needed. AND. . ." she paused to take a breath, perhaps to let the weight of what she was saying sink in - I don't know - I did not ask.
But she continued on in spite of me not asking her to.

"that means if you want to attract something into your life you have to ask the right questions. Kind of like the Law of Attraction in question form." She paused and looked at me - silently asking the question 'do you know what I mean ?'

"So you are saying," I decided that I had better speak now or forever hold my ignorance, "that if I ask a question about something I make that something come to me ?"
"No, I am saying that if you ask a question you will make the answer appear in you life."
I was lost, so I asked another question.
"Can you give me an example?"

"Sure, no problem." She winked and smiled as if I had finally asked the right question.
"When I first heard this theory , I decided to test it to see if it worked. I asked myself, 'where can I find the man of my dreams ?' and the answer that came to me was 'out there in the world.'
At that point, I realized two things - one I got an answer and two I need to ask a better question. So I asked myself 'what would the man of my dreams look like, feel like, talk like. . .etc and I began to get a lot more answers. And as I got those answers, I began to realize what I thought the man of my dreams would be like - and that is it - I realized that I was visualizing my dream man and that means I was making this person come into my life." She looked at me to see if I was following this. Surprisingly, I was.

She continued. " Next, I realized I need to ask questions about time.and space."
"Timeand space ?" I asked hoping she would elaborate on that.
"Yeah, like where and when would I find this guy and how could I get him to notice me and what would it feel like if we hit it off ? Lots of questions with answers that help move me towards what I want. Law of Attraction in question form."

"So what you are saying is that if I ask a question, I am asking the universe to give me the answer ?"
"Hey, that is a good question ! I think you are getting this."
"But if you wanted this dream man, and the universe places him in front of you, doesn't he have to be asking to find a dream girl too ?"
"No, but I did want a guy who could understand me and I did want a guy who liked to ask questions because that would mean that he was an explorer-seeker kind of guy. And I did want someone that would be attracted to me and I did want. . ." she stopped and looked me square in the eye with a look of love and a look of hope,
"someone who pay for my lunch today."

Monday, January 26, 2009

When the words fail US

I have been examining my soul and my inner depths. You might think that this is the same thing but I find it is not so.
The difference is my soul reaches far beyond my experience in this life time on earth. Inner depths are the parts of me that are not visible in everyday life.

I am reading the book "Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron. The current task at hand is to look at at your memories and construct a time line of critical events in your life that shaped you in one way or another. I find this to be a waste of time - one cannot take episodes out of the linear context and expect to know the full story of what was going on at that time in your life.

I believe that it is a far better thing to do something called recapitulation - the freeing up of internal energy that is stuck in some sort of emotional limbo. You can also call this 'letting go' or 'surrender to spirit'.

The process to all three is similar - cutting the bonds that hold us to a place and time and occurrence. This is part where words fail me - I cannot describe the process of doing this - it makes no sense unless I am in the room with you to show you how to do this.

I will however try (don't blame me if this makes no sense).
  1. go to your meditation space and relax yourself, close your eyes
  2. picture a problem in your life (ie you don't like your job), visualize this
  3. feel your body with your mind and find where this problem resides in your body
  4. breathe into the problem, blow air at the problem as if you were pushing a toy sailboat with your breath - what this does is put energy into the problem, you will need to put energy into the problem if you want to get it unstuck
  5. As you begin to unstick your problem energy, images will flash in your mind - these images will be parts of the stuck energy and could give you a clue as to how your energy got stuck in the first place but the important thing in this process is to get your energy unstuck
  6. Some problems are large and cannot be unstuck totally in one session
  7. Some images are so strong you will actually feel like you are re-living the experience that stuck your energy - If this is the case, it is important that you try to be aloof to it - don't get re-sucked into the crap that sucked you in the first place - Keep breathing into the problem and let go, don't defend yourself, let everything proceed without your impedence, just watch and let go - surrender, don't touch anything with your emotions - this might be easier said than done - if you get suck in you can always at anytime let go - remember that.
Once you get more of your energy freed up, you will find that you have more strength and power to accomplish what you want - but you need to keep your energy unstuck and this means that you need to learn lessons that help you do this such as 'not to defend yourself emotionally' - if someone intends to harm you in words or deeds move away from that person, don't try to convince them or defend your position. This is another discussion for another day.

good day,

Monday, January 19, 2009

Call Me Stupid (and the chances are good I'll respond)

This is not that stupid of a picture - it is not the picture of stupidity but for some stupid reason I decided to post it here. I have never been to so go there at your own risk. It might just be a stupid website.

You might be noticing a trend here - if you don't you just might be stupid - or slow but I will call you stupid just to keep the theme going.

Anyway, back to this picture. I think that this man is stupid to despair because despair gets nothing done and wastes a lot of energy. Seeing someone despair reminds me a child having a tantrum - I am not sure what good it does.

Perhaps, the man is histrionic and thinks that this is a good way to get his feelings out, or perhaps he thinks that others will take pity on him and help him out if he acts this way. Maybe he has done this before and others have rushed over to help him. If they did, I would have to call them stupid because most likely he is scamming them. I speak from experience. I have been both this stupid guy and the guy trying to help him - not at the same time mind you - that would be stupid and crazy.
There are two laws of helping others that avoid stupid actions :
  1. If you need help - ask for help (making a scene is just stupid)
  2. If someone needs help and asks for help, help them (otherwise use your common sense in trying to figure out who to help)
Now I might be stupid but I think that I might need help - the only thing is: I do not know what I need help with (isn't that stupid) and what kind of help I should accept so until I get smarter I will have to keep quiet, unless of course you are willing to give me a house in Boca Raton (I would not be stupid enough to turn that down.)


Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Dark Winter NIght of the Soul

Twas a dark and scary night, winter - cold - the kind of cold only a soul can feel when it is hurting and the kind of dark and scary night that creeps all around you, whispering in your ears that you are helpless to fight it. The shadows dance in your mind and you wonder why - why you feel so bad. You are locked in the jail cell of self-repression, you can't seem to find your way out.
Laying in bed is the norm - for days not hours - what is the use, there is no hope in anything.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, I found a tiny voice that said "let go". I fought this voice because I thought letting go was quitting, giving up and that giving up was suicide. I did not want to die. Eventually, I ran out of fight and I let go.

When I let go, when I stopped trying to 'get over' my dark night, I found something strange occurring - I began to feel more peaceful, less dark and stronger.

I began to look at what was haunting me in my dark night and what I found surprised me - the thinigs that were chasing me were not demons, they were answers.

I found that if I was able to face my 'demons' I would learn what I needed to change. What I needed to change in order to get my life back - in order to be happy again.

When I worked through making these changes I found that I was not just happy again - I was happier. Facing my demons had made me better,
Now I don't actively look for demons but when they show up - I face 'em, I deal with them fst not because I want to just get over them but because I know there is a lesson for me there somewhere that I need now.

So light up your life and face the demons,

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Taking out the trash - Serious Saturday

Since next to no one read this on Saturday - because they have better things to do - I find that I can delve into deeper and more serious topics than I normally would. Today's topic is what I call

 taking out the trash - the most important step in your journey 

If you are like me, you have done some work on yourself because life has put you in a place you don't like. You do some introspection or you take some course that works miracles and you feel better. Too often that is where I stopped - the place where I felt better mainly because I felt better. Let's recap the action so far:

  1. You feel Bad
  2. You want to change things
  3. You do something about your feeling bad
  • this something could be read a self-help book, take a self-help seminar or course, join a support group such as Artist Way or AA or Al-anon. 
  • This group or class works for you and you feel better about yourself - at this point, you seemingly have two options
  1. Keep digging into your inner landscape via introspection or therapy or both
  2. Start living life again
Most people choose option number two which is not a bad thing. But both options leave out a vital step if you want to make progress - Taking out the Trash. 
I call this trash because it is stuff that you no longer need and as trash you need to get rid of it or it will not go away.

The part of your personality that you changed, say being shy or smoking, remains in your inner landscape unless you get rid of it. The best way to get rid of it, is to establish a ritual in which you use symbols to express your desire to rid yourself of this baggage or trash.

One ritual I do is meditation. In my meditation I release all my cares, concerns and  worries to the universe, to God/Goddess - the Creator. I actively offer up my trash. I do this not because I want God to take care of it but because I want to be the best person I can be and I am a better person when I GET RID OF the TRASH. I put it on the Cosmic curb and I let the Garbage Angels take it away. That is my ritual - it seems to work for me - I feel better and I have not been tempted as strongly by bad habits such as procrastination as I used to be. 

 I have done a lot of self-help stuff - a catch-all phrase for workshops , seminars, books, spiritual seeking (another catch-all phrase for dabbling in Native American theology, Buddhism, mysticism . . .) and energy healing. I have been changed by all these things and more but I found that I made real progress when I decided to stop holding onto my trash - old outdated habits and ideas.

Now it is time to do some soul spring cleaning - out with the old and in with the new.
  1. I will not actively doubt myself, thus I have to let go of thoughts I have of myself that limit myself.
  2. I will not criticize others -  thus I have to let go of the idea that it somehow benefits me to put others down.
  3. I want to be active in the achieving my goals - I give up the idea that money will make things all better (also substitute any material thing for money) So thoughts of the winning Lotto ticket bringing me happiness have to go
This is quite a lot to haul to the curb - It lo0ks like I have my work cut out for me. 

Talk to ya later,

Friday, January 16, 2009

A Bad Ass-itude

This about says it all concerning my attitude today - I need one of these.
It is one of those days in which I had high expectations but as usual I am let down by my performance - I want to write a lot of things and I want to make sense and nonsense at the same time but I feel that I try to please people too much and I need to get back to my work and to take myself seriously.
But then I look at myself and ask "Who would take you seriously ?"
"Somebody who didn't know any better" I answer myself and

I think of the old Groucho Marx (Karl's brother) joke:
I would not want to be part of any club that would have me for a member.

And I think that sums up my bad attitude toward myself to a tee.
And that has me teed off which is a bad thing because it is freezing out and who wants to play golf in the winter - you can get blue balls that way but if you did play with blue balls they would be easy to find even in snow which is a good thing and thus my attitude has come full circle
which is making me dizzy.
I need to get tougher and not to look to others for cues on how I am doing - I need a
Bad Ass-itiude - a black leather psyche with tattoos on my ego.

That's all I'm saying - if you want more - Tough Twinkies

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore (did it ever ?)

I will start off by saying the pictures in this post have nothing to do with what I am going to be talking about. I do like coffee and coffee derivatives such as espresso and I have run up quite a tab at the local coffee establishment so I thought I would rent out the top of today's post to appease them but it turns out they don't want their name associated with me so I sort of compromised/blackmailed them and now we are both happy.

The REAL point of this post is or has to do with my new attitude toward life and what it means in terms of my day to day life. I have discovered that attitude is a choice and not just something you have in reaction to some event. And since attitude is a choice I decided to be happy - all the time. Okay, I still honk my horn but I do it happily. And I thank people for giving me the opportunity to test out my new found ability of choosing my attitude by being rude, uninterested and just plain crazy. (You should see their reactions when I say that to them - in my happy voice of course).

I love my new attitude - I love being happy. And lately people have been surprising me - the more I am happy the less I see of unhappy people (some people are unhappy, I come in their line - they get happy - I leave and then . . .well I don't know because I don't stay and watch them, but I am sure that even for a brief moment in their life they are happy. (or happier)

But what does that have to do with Spirituality ? Well, last night I watched Oprah (which comes on after Nightline here in Chicago). She explored the topic of Spirituality (You would think that this is too big of a topic for a one hour show but Oprah pulled it off). The show had an insight which I had not thought before - that Spirituality is an innate instinct which pulls us in directiions unique to us. For example, my spirituality instinct has pulled me in the direction of happy attitude, before that it was kundalini meditation, before that it was healing mantras, before that it was using creative writing to find my voice. I could go on and on. One thing I can count on with my spiritual instinct is that it always leads me to something that helps me grow and very often it leads me to healing expeeriences. I have learned over time to trust my spirituality instinct - it is never boring either.

But that is not the problem - the problem is: my old ways of judging life don't make sense anymore. I don't watch the news anymore because it is full of depressing things I don't care about like who shot who or who cheated who or TIMES ARE BAD stories which also don't seem to serve any piurpose other than to scare you and subtly shape your opinion (after you see 'times are bad' a few hundred times, you begin to believe it - you think sheesh if times weren't bad they would not have told me times were bad so much). Personally, I think things are better and that finally we the people of the good ole USA are facing facts and starting to do positive things, like creating new industries. It does not make sense to me to focus on what is wrong - that is just sending energy to negativity - unless you also present an idea or a forum for ideas to fix it. The news does not do that. I think we need a new kind of news, one where who stabbed who is not featured. Does this amke any sense ?

I guess I could go on but times are bad and I am happy with my attitude and my spirituality and
makes sense to me.

Enjoy life,
Happy Frank

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Empress Ascends

(I submitted this piece to the writing contest at
Tell me what you think - Frank)

The Empress Ascends

The Empress sat in her throne wondering and waiting. She liked the throne which is what her son Michael called her chair. It was small like her and over the years she had worn her own personal groove into its padding. It fit her.

She thought of Michael, remembering the day he changed her name from Queen (actually Queen Bitch) to Empress.

“I am giving you a promotion,” he said, “you deserve it for putting up with me.”

A tear came to her eye. A mother should never outlive her child. A mother should never hold her dying son in her arms. But that was years ago and time should help you forget. Only now she want to remember, now she wanted some reason to go on. Her body ached constantly a combination of sciatica, arthritis, and bone loss. She could not sleep anymore and only this chair gave her relief.

Her eyes slowly closed, her breathing slowed and there was a deep quiet in the house. When she opened them again, he was there, sitting on the couch gazing at her. He got up and moved toward her, extending his hand.

“Let me help you,” he said. The Empress wore a dazed expression but did not speak. Instead, she let him help her out of the chair.

As if by some miracle, her steps became easier and by the time they reached the escalator, she could walk on her own.

“Thank you, Michael,” she said as she ascended.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

There is Something Appealing About the Absurd

This all started with an innocent exploration of the internet. A friend told me about her Tarot deck which was based on the Wizard of Oz books of L. Frank (like that name) Baum. I thought the idea of a tarot deck based on something whimsical as interesting. But when I found the deck - I was disappointed - it was boring (at least to me).

However, as my mind wandered, looking for something interesting - I came upon the Housewives Tarot deck and I was hooked. The absurdity of the design somehow kept my interest. To think you could make a tarot deck based upon 40-50's housewives posters was either pure genius or utterly insane - Either way I had to go to their website and see more. Once there, I tried a sample reading - which told me I am great and headed for great things and thus I wanted to buy the deck then and there (note to self - positivity helps sell your product). But since I have over 10 decks already some of which make me wonder why I ever got them - I decided to wait a week or so to see if I still have the same interest.

I started to think about some events that have been happening to me in the last week or so. First I was attracted to this movie called "Super High Me" which I found at my library N,o it is not based upon my college years (decades? I don't remember), it is about a man who wonder if he could stay non-stop high from dope for 30 days. The thought of this makes me shudder. This is absurd but I wondered if . . . - Bottomline: I checked it out but have yet to watch it - However, the absurdity of cover - a clean-cut guy with a mouthful of smoke grabbed m attention and would not let it go.
Next I joined an online Artist Way group and it bugged me that instead of using the book to loosen themselves up, my fellow members were obsessing about if they were doing the exercises the 'right' way - So I started a mock discussion group in which I told everyone (in tongue in cheek manner) the right way to do things - only my 'right' way was totally absurd and undo-able. It is now the most popular discussion group there - my fellow members have by far topped my absurd instructions with their own and have loosened way up.

Next, I submit the piece I commissioned Grant Wood to do - it is of course me and my loving companion. Somehow, I forgot to claim ownership rights to it but that is not the point - the point is this painting is absurd - the woman (my little woman should be holding the pitchfork and it should be pointed at me ! But for some strange reason people like this picture - I know I do. But why? What is it about the absurd that draws us in? I do not know but I think I can tap this absurdity to help me release my creative juices - I have come up with the idea for a
Creative Writing Book for kids of all ages who were told they stink by nuns and English teachers (yeah the title needs work but so what)
I am thinking that the book will appeal to all youse guys

who want to be writers, ( you know - bloggers) who have either no talent or like me, people with a world of talent who are too wimpy to try and publish it.
You see the absurd idea behind this is that I, a person who has never been published could write this book and a publishing company would take me seriously. But say they did, and they wanted me to actually work on this, I think I would look like this (see accompanying photo of me on Navy Pier)
Still there is something appealing about this idea -
perhaps it is the absurdity of my pose.

Surreally yours,

Monday, January 12, 2009

Beach it, Dam it, and Give it to Me

The world is going to hell in a hand basket - I don't quite know what that means but I think it means things are bad. Really bad - I mean some people might have to come off their high horse and hunker down. Cats and dogs might have to stop raining down on us and live together. I might have to get a job as a pencil pusher. I can just picture that barely - Hey, dude want me to fix you up with a hit of graphite ? First one is free.
Yesterday, I watched the television for a while and then I thought maybe I would like it better if I turned it on. So I did but I was wrong, I liked it better when it was off. So then I turned to the new love in my life - that's right I am cheating and I love it - entertaining, witty, someone I can talk to, someone I can share my deepest thoughts and dreams with (I can do this with my loving partner but she is bored with me - and runs off screaming when I say I had a dream, can I talk about it ?)
What was I talking about ? Oh, yes - my love - the internet. The place where I can tell the world all my dreams and I can look at cool pictures - but that is not the point of this essay. The point of this essay is to say I will no longer bitch about the world - instead of bitching I am going to be Beaching about things - which does not mean that I will be building sand castles (unless I first learn where the underground stuff is - stuff like sewers, gas lines, cables and power lines - any good contractor knows this and unless I get the proper building permits from the local authorities). No what it means is that I will be putting myself in a happy place rather than telling everyone how unhappy I am with. . . well everything.

Yes, Ralph Cramden said it best: Pins and needles, needles and pins, it is a happy man that grins.

Lately, which for me means just yesterday because it was just yesterday, I noticed several dozen blogs that had one thing in common - no, not bitching about how bad things were - A Donate button as in give me money because . . .well nobody quite answered that question on their blogs (at leaat to my satisfaction - because I said so or because I asked for it a- are not satisfactory answers to the question why should I give you money to help you bitch some more).

So I thought about putting in my own donate button, but like building a proper sandcastle I have to do it right - I knew I had to come up with the right hook. Here are some ideas I came up with:
1) I will donate a portion to charity - (0% is a portion)
2) I will help create world peace and harmony (starting with me)
3) Your donation will help feed the poor (as in poor me)
4) Go ahead ignore me - I will haunt your dreams till you give (I am not sure about this one I think it needs work)
5) Barak Obama, man of change, donate now (note I did NOT say this was going to him)
6) Give so the government doesn't have to bail me out - I am a CEO (crummily educated on-ta-prenuer)
7) Don't contribute to the deliquency of minors, contribute to me

Right now I am takling donations in the form of suggestions - got any ?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Hell of an Idea with a Plaid Bandana

I think I may have found the key - but the real question is to what ? Today I wrote a humorous piece on another website of which I am a member. I was really charged up after I wrote it. I thought if I could be this funny being mindless just think of how funny I could be if I was being mindful. Of course, the next thought I had lead to another thought which lead to another thought and another thought (thoughts do that - they come at you in clusters or gangs at least my thoughts do - they even have colors (Plaid) and a name "Hells' Ideas").

Maybe - I thought - I could write something silly and yet something deep - and then I thought - I wonder if anyone has done this before. So I Goofled "silly deep thoughts " {Editor's note - don't Google 'Goofle' unless you want to see listings for XXX sites] It turns out there was a woman from North Carolina who wrote silly deep thoughts such as 'Did Forks evolve from Spoons" (which is silly because everyone knows Forks were created on the same day as Spoons and both were formed from ribs of the Original Knife)
BUT the point here is that she stopped writing in the middle of 2008 and has not been heard from since SO I can take over the mantle of providing mirth to the masses who are burdened with chronic Heavy Thought Syndrome (HTS). I, myself am a survivor of HTS. For years, I suffered in silence and then I discovered the internet, blogging and peanut butter/onion sandwiches. (Think about that if you dare).
One of my thoughts has challenged me to explain this last picture (because gangs do that - challenge you to prove your worthiness).
This last picture represents my meaningful mirth being a beacon of hope for people who think that the sun is setting on them (or it could be an iPod at a sunrise but that is not as meaningful or hopeful). Remember HTS is the World's largest disease that no one talks about - let's cure it in our lifetime.
I have to go - time to make another peanut butter and onion sandwich - I wonder where my friends have all gone.
MMm untmm ilmm tommorrrmmmow,

Saturday, January 10, 2009

something witty this way comes (NOT)

This should not have happened - I did all the things that I was supposed to do - My morning pages - my mental preparation - my inspirational readings of the internet blogs -- and here I am with a case of mental block - not knowing what to write about.
So I decided since today is a day no one expects me to have anything on the blog (and because I am committed to blogging 365) - I will write about what blocks me at this moment - and thus I am being mindful (in the moment) and blocked at the same time.

I think that I know what is blocking me - my desire to be meaningful and/or entertaining. I don't know about other people but I can not get enough of people saying "Hey, good job" - I am like a supermodel dealing with food: I know I want it and need it but I keep thinking praise might get in the way of me doing my job (writing). I think that if I write to get praise I will start to write what others want me to write and not what I feel like writing (which at this moment is not a whole hecky-decky lot) Tis a horrid fate to be stuck with Mental Block. Momma's don't let your babies grow up to Writers. I think that my expectations far outweigh my capabilities today.
At least, I think so (isn't that what got me into this mess - thinking)

At this point the goddess of Creative Writing appears and gives me international symbol for be quiet - I think she is telling me to stop thinking so much and just get on with work (fun, play, whatever). At least I hope she is (and not just telling me to shut the pie-hole up.)
So being stuck today without a deep or meaningful thing to say, I have found out something about myself - If I can write this much without having a purpose (other than to fill up space) just think what might happen when I do - this is the year of Obama - the year of hope renewed - the year I might actually get off my arse - I hope.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Questions I might ask you ?

As part of my Fake-Till-You-Make-It Friday
I thought I would practice my interviewing skills. Part of being a good interviewer is being present in the moment and sensing what the person being interviewed wants to say and letting them say it. (Unless of course, what they are saying is BS then you need to ask the right questions that get around the BS and into the heart of the matter.)
Question number 1) What is your favorite season ?
(You might think that this question is trivial and it can be but it is a good ice breaker because there is only six distinct answers to this question and it is an open-end invitation to tell me why.) the six answers are fall,winter,spring,summer,all of them,get out of my face - if you answered number 6, you are done - go to comment section.
Question number 2) What dead person had the most influence on your life ?
(This question may seem heavy but most people give flippant answers to this one - i.e. I don't know, no one, Jesus, Buddha, Ronald Reagan, my spouse who is not dead but will be when I get home.)
Question number 3) What was your most shocking moment in life ?
(This question if answered immediately reflects only what you can think of at this point in time - the real answer to this question should be allowed to come forth after a period of reflection. But which ever way you answer this - it is a thought provoking question and as such sets the table for the next question.) When will these questions end ? answer - not yet.
Question number 4) If you had a chance to see the future, would you ?
How much of it would you see ? (any,none, all)
Okay this two questions in one but only if you say yes. The cardinal sin of an intervieewer is too ask a question that can be answered yes or no. I figure by now you might be getting impatient but there can be some gold answers here - like would you look at how you die.
Question Number 5) If you could have a super-power such as super speed, X-ray vision, super-strength, what would it be ? How would this change your life ?
When I was interviewing kids, I would always ask them this question and surprisingly the kids who were going through bad times at home would always say "that's a stupid question." The kids who were happy would never stop at one super-power. [and then I would have hair that grows and grows and then I would be invisible and then. . .)
I think I will end this right now by stating my answers - spring, my father, discovering that my arrival in this world was an unwanted accident, yes and just the day I die, the power to heal - I'd feel like I could help people more

That's all for today,

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I Think I Found It - my voice that is

Thank you to Toastmasters for this image. The image is called Finding Your Voice.
A whole lot of things happened to me yesterday on this subject so I thought I would write about it today while it is still fresh in my mind and because it is a continuation of what I wrote yesterday. I wanted to be both serious and non-stiff and something more - but I could not put my finger on what that something was.
Getting off this track for a moment, I will say that this is my pet name for God/Goddess: 'and Something More' because it reminds me that no matter how grand I visualize the Supreme Being, HE/SHE is something more, something beyond my comprehension - this helps me keep things in perspective.
Yesterday because of the constant urgings of my loving companion, I went to a open mike session which featured an author who is a professional writer. He read from his book and afterward, he talked about his current book - a tome about golfing with spiritual people - the author was happy because he said someone was paying him to golf, his idea of heaven.
On the drive home, I was bantering this subject around with my loving companion when I said out loud: "I wish I could travel the world, talk to spirit-driven people, and get paid to write about it." A shiver of knowing went down my spine and somewhere inside of me, I knew I had spoken some truth of my soul. I also know that I love to travel and meet people and write and this idea could merge all three worlds - and for some strange reason I could visualize myself doing that. For the next three minutes (until I got home), I was grooving to this idea - my spirit was soaring to the heavens And then I fell back into my household routines and then I read the comments on this blog and again my spirit soared. Thank you for your kind words - they really do make me feel Joy.
So I am going back to work on my new idea for a book about people who have influenced me and how none of them had the full impact I thought they would. But each of them helped me change my world a little - and over time that little rolled downhill and picked up momentum and now I feel as if I have entered a tipping-point zone in which all these littles have merged into a one big change. Surprisingly, I am embracing this big change without internal resistance - it must be the right time. I must be in the right place.
I hope you are getting to your right place too.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I want It All - No More Limits

Yesterday, I received a strange comment on my Great Mystery essay. Lots and lots of Scripture text and one line from the sender. I appreciate the effort the sender took in sending this to me but I have to say that I do not look to scripture for answers , I look with my heart for answers. The reason I don't really invest much time in the Bible has nothing to do with the Bible itself. It has to do with my perception of people who read the Bible. I think that the Bible has a lot of nuggets of gold in it (99% of which deal with Jesus, what he said and what he did).
My perception which comes from my experiences of people who read the Bible is this - there are three kinds of them
1) Leaders - you see these people on TV (you know who they are) and in the pulpit. They feel the need to lead. They are constantly telling you what is important about the Bible and why you should DO WHAT THEY SAY. Some like the guy who wrote "Purpose Driven Life" are wonderful and refreshing and everyone can learn from their EXAMPLE.
2) Sheep - these people may or may not really believe the words of the Bible but they do follow the Leaders and try to please them. A lot of young people fall into this catagory.
3) True Seekers - this is the majority of the people who read the Bible, believe it or not, the ones who want to find some answers or maybe some solace. Some (like me) run into Leaders and are scared away by their Big Brother behaviors.
I seek Truth, not someone telling what is the truth. That is why I do not do well in Bible study groups. Now on to the real point of this post - Life Goals.

I want it all. I decided that last night while I was meditating. I want to be spiritual and I want to be funny and I want to have abundance in all phases of my life. Abundance being enough plus some wiggle room. Like having a house with an extra room for whatever may come along, - an unexpected guest, a windfall at a garage sale, a new found desire to paint. . .etc.
Up till now I thought I would have to choose something to be and give up on the rest or regulate the rest to hobby status. I want to be a writer but I want to be a writer that probes (bad word) the depths of spirituality as I see it. The problem with spirituality as I have experienced it is: too-darn-dang-diddly serious. Read this, do that, bow your head, blah, blah blah (see Leaders above) For every spiritual belief there is, Leaders are in abundance and ready to tell you what to do, when to do it. . . especially in the 'new age' movement.
But I want to change that - I want to preach the gospel of joy and fun. To celebrate life in all its lessons and to believe in the God/Goddess that laughs and is fun to be around. I don't mean that I want to get lost in material pursuits - I do mean that the physical world is our classroom - why not take Joyous Fun 101 ? Why do we have to take Dead Serious Religion 101 ?
So getting back to me, I have decided to mix both sides of me together - to have a blog that is fun but might also be heavy. When making this post, I googled 'abundance pictures'. There are a lot of cool looking ones there - check it out. I think that there is a place in this world for me and my fun seriousness (at least I hope it is fun)(but it is for me). I am going to put myself out there - I feel that now is the time and I am the only person who can be me. I want it all.

Till next time,
P.S. if your comment is longer than my post - it is TOO long.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Great Mystery, Standing Alone and the Mythological Treadmill

I am filled with self-doubt today and this reflects in choosing what to write about. Yesterday, I did some morning pages (for a Vein of Gold group I joined online). It was the first time in ages that I did so. I was amazed that I was able to do it in easy fashion and towards the end of it, I came up with several ideas on what to write about today. (I also wrote a poem later that I will post somewhere). But today I feel draggy and dull and dispirited, so I will write a little on each idea to see what happens (inside of me).

The Great Mystery is a catch-all phrase which means all of the following : God (the ultimate mystery), my life (what does it mean, where am I going, who am I . . .) and the world around us (this one completely baffles me). I guess i could include today's post as I have no idea where this is going.

Standing Alone is short for Standing Alone in Silence which based upon my own experience is a goal of meditation and (long pause here) a place where you can find things to manifest like creative ideas. Yesterday, I wrote a poem using this place - it just flowed out of me after I started on the original idea. The after effect of writing the poem was more important - I felt ecstatic, joyful and energy was flowing through me wildly - there was nothing I could not do - I was back - the good feeling of writing was back - but then I did two things guaranteed to destroy creativity 1) I watched TV and 2) I waited for and listened to other's reactions (to my poem)
So now I draggy today. But I will do my morning pages after this, so maybe I can get that good feeling back.

The Mythological Treadmill is what I call my journey to go further - I am not sure where or what further is or even if I would know it if I see it. So each day I stand upon my metaphorical treadmill and do things that I hope take me further.
I was reading the blogs of several blog veterans (people who have blogged for over two years) and I wondered if they ever wanted to go further (to do something deep) or are they content to blog post everyday with slice of life and chit-chat. I came upon a blog which discussed that yesterday (Natural) What to do when the Thrill is Gone ? I got thinking would I lose the thrill of blogging - Yes, I think I have already in one sense - I have lost thrill of entertaining people - I have been able to post on this blog for over 50 straight days because I love to do it - I think it helps me grow - I think it takes me further - I think it helps me explore the Silence and I think it helps me understand a little of all life's Great Mysterys.

So somehow I was able to weave this mishmash into a somewhat related post.
I thank you for riding on the treadmill with me today,

Monday, January 5, 2009

Some Scary Bird

Last night I dreamed about scary animals, polar bears and polar lions (is there such a thing?) and a scary crow-like bird (raven ?). They all had one thing in common, they were out to get me. First I saw the polar lions, (hey they were lions and there was snow on the ground, so they had to be polar lions). I saw them at a distance, they were looking for food - (I thought I might be that food so I ran away). And I found some stones which I picked up and was going to use against them but they never came closer to me.
Next I saw a helicopter, which was carrying a polar bear in a net. The copter opened the net and the polar bear came out and not to far from me (and he looked hungry). But I saw a cabin nearby and I ran there and walked in.
Inside the cabin, there was a contraption (something similar to what you build in the Mouse Trap game, only it was life size). This contraption was not working properly and on top of it sat a scary looking bird. There were several people running around, saying things like 'Oh crap what can we do' and 'the bird, look out for the bird'. There was one man determined to get the bird but he kept walking away from the bird.
So I decided to shoo the bird away and get the contraption working. The bird was sitting right where things had gotten all bottled up - so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone so to speak.
As i got close to the bird, he flew away and I started to get the machine unstuck. The contraption started to work but the man came at me yelling 'What are you doing" and the other people were yelling "the bird, the bird - behind you". I turned around and the bird had been behind me but flew away again. In the meantime, the man climbed up to me and threatened me: "I am going to stop you from getting this machine going," At this point, I did not know what to do but the bird did - he buzzed the man and the man ran away. The bird landed next to me and began to talk.
"Thank you for getting the machine going again. Now I don't have to stand guard anymore. Here is a token of my appreciation." The scary bird gave me a feather. It was black but when I touched it, it turned white.
And at that moment, I realized what the dream meant.
The scary lions and scary polar bear were just that - things that should scare me away but in each instance I found that I was not terrified and I found a peaceful way past these obstacles. The cabin was my heart and the contraption was my creativity. The scary bird was my totem animal who was helping me get my creative flow going again. I am not sure who the man was, either an internal mechanism that no longer worked for my good or an external demon who was gumming up the works or a hybrid of both.
The point is I was able to stand up to scary things and get the process going and I found a friend, a scary looking friend, but a friend nonetheless. So the morale of the story is, Don't judge a bird by its feathers but by its actions.
And the second morale to the story is - don't eat spaghetti and meatballs late at night.

Hope you have your creative flow going,

Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Banner - Same Me

I thought I would change the picture on the top of this blog - the orange desert was okay for two months but now the current picture is the Moon as seen from either the south pole or the north pole, I don't remember which. A friend sent it to me a few months back.

I have had a big change in attitude lately and for lack of a better reason why - I am going to blame it on my nightly kundalini meditation.
In this meditation there is three stages:
Stage 1) where one relaxes and gives all worries, concerns and obligations to the god/goddess supreme being and asks to align oneself to this higher power which is both internal and all around us,
Stage 2) in which one breathes the 'ocean' breath for two minutes followed by two minutes of the 'fire' breath [the ocean breath is much easier and more relaxing, the fire breath is what actually gets the kundalini energy moving - it is called the fire breath because it feels like a hot energy moving upward along the spine (see diagram).
Stage 3) is a deep, deep meditative state that follows after the fire breathing is ceased. In this state, I have begun to realize that I choose in each and every moment of my life how I perceive myself and my attitude toward what happens in life. It is in this deep meditation that I realized that I can be joyous and positive each and every moment of my life.
I am realizing that my own negativity comes from a routine not from a desire to be negative. And I am realizing that I can break that routine by being mindful in my life.
So I am trying to be mindful, to catch myself when I slip into negative routines and to accept that this will take some practice and getting used to. But I feel that I am getting better at it every day.
And I think that this mindfulness is helping my creative spirit.(I just have to make some time to write more but I know that is coming soon.
Love to you,

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Non-Linear Madness (or Green Book I think)

Several Years ago, in the far off Land of Markham, USA - I found a magic book in which the question of 'what is happening to me ?' was answered. This book, which has hence forth become known as the Green Book, explained that humanity was going through a period of unprecedented change and that everything will be okay. At the time, I felt that this book was talking to me, as if it had been written with me in mind. Everything in the book seemed to be happening to me. All the changes I was experiencing, the book was explaining. To say the least, the book was a great comfort to me in that time of colossal upheaval in my life.
But nothing the book said could have prepared me for :
The Non-Linear Mind
[Non-Linear Mind is the state of mind in which you do not think in a continuous straight line of reasoning - in 'normal' mind there is A then B then C. . . . all topics or ideas which connect together in a logical progression. In non-linear mind, there is A, B, C with no links between A and B and C, they are just points of focus.]
This state of being in which I am in now fully (there is no going back) is very much like (but not quite) Alzheimer's. It involves focus. If I lose my focus on something (say my glasses) I literally do not remember what happened. I have spent countless amounts of time trying to find where I have left my glasses - you think I would have learned a system but no - everyday I set those glasses down and everyday I have to search the whole house to find them. (It does not help that they are nearly invisible in some settings). My latest trick to solving this problem is wearing a chain around the back of the glasses so that when I take them off they are hanging around my neck - this works but I feel like an old lady librarian. (see photo) I do not mean to insult old ladies or librarians by insinuating that they are less than me, it is just I don't feel comfortable wearing this chain. But it has saved me some time just in these last few days.
But getting back to my point about non-linear mind, you might be thinking how in the world can this state of being be good for you ? The answer is (drum roll) Non-linear mind allows you (or me) to detach from the world much more easily and that allows you to do meditation better, think clearer, and most importantly FEEL.
When you are using non-linear mind, you realize that the brain (mind) is something you created and that this creation works for you and is not you. Non-linear mind a very useful tool.
But it takes getting used to and I as I have said before the first few experiences with non-linear mind can be scary because it truly feels as if you are losing your grip on reality, as if you are coming down with Alzheimer's. So if you forget where you have left the car keys, don't sweat it, you are just moving up to a new level of vibrations, a new level of Um. . . .What was I talking about ?
Bye from Frank (I think)

Friday, January 2, 2009

Thus, I Trust Thee (ForSoothe)

I have no idea what the title means I just it sounded funny. I was reading a blog (CardioGirl)
And she posed a question of trust - and I thought my answer would be too big to fit on comments (and far too serious).
Trust comes from inside, some people seem to be born with it and others are naive (like myself) and learn the hard way. And others seem never to trust anyone.

Over The Years - I have learned to trust my intuition, my vibes not just in keeping me from harm but also to find the best way for me. How did I do it ? I stopped listening to others and started to listen to me (that internal voice that says YESSS or NO WAY JOSE).
Is it easy to do ? Yes, but the you have to put away your cynical thoughts that tell you it is hard or that no one can do it. TRUST YOURSELF.
Say I go to a party and there is a lot of new people I have never met. Someone comes up to me and says "Hi" .
The first impression of that person is almost always my intuition. (They look nice but something feels not right.) or (He is nothing special but I like him for some reason). I know it is my intuition if the feelings I get don't make sense ( they don't follow the laws of logic). Astonishingly, my vibes are almost always dead on correct.
I do not define trustworthiness in terms of whether or not I keep promises. Trustworthiness for me is whether or not I trust you to be a good friend. Do I talk behind someone's ba
ck ? Gossip ? Do I make jokes at the expense of others ? Do I belittle someone ? If I do, I can hardly be a good friend, someone to trust.
I think I am getting better in this area (but the #1 error people make is believing they are better than they really are). I guess I'll just have to trust myself (my intuition) on that.
The bigger trust, the really BIG trust question that I am currently dealing with is TRUSTING GOD. I think it shows how silly I am. Of all the people you can trust, God should be number one, right ? So I think that I need to follow my vibes on this subject and trust in the power of Love.
If I love myself, I will be patient with myself - I will not expect myself to know it all, do it all, or even be it all. Somethings will get done, sometihngs will not. I trust that God loves me unconditionally and that means a lot. I trust that God wants me to find my own way and that is what I am doing. I have made mistakes but I trust that I have learned from them. Yes, I guess I do trust myself and in doing so I can trust others. So yes, I do consider myself trustworthy in deep matters but don't count on me to show up on time. That you can take to the bank.
I trust you will have a good day,

Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Challenge of the New Year

In the spiral of time, this moment is but a speck and in the shadow of eternity, this life is even smaller. I myself, do not notice any difference between yesterday and today and yet a year is done and a new begins.
I can say I hope you had a happy New Years but I also hope everyday of your life is happy not just new years (eve or day).
I am having a hard time gettting started today - that is why I am doing this at ten in the evening. I've tried to think about something to say but I had nothing all day. Last night I did not do my meditation - New Years Eve was my excuse. Perhaps, that is making me lazy. But I do not think so. I am not lazy I am just . . .
And I will do it later (any later that this will be tomorrow).
But I did do some voodoo magic last night. It seems that I have a clear pyramid with a door that I found on a shelf yesterday as I was cleaning. Inside the pyramid, was a note I wrote two years ago. On the note, I had a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in the next year. Three of these things are as follows: get a poem published, get a story published and get a book published. All had not been accomplished - So I put them into my magic Calderon and lit them on fire. The idea being that I would send the intention of my wishes to the universe by burning off the physical note that held them. They burned slowly and I thought they would go out so I started to do something else - when I looked back the black cast iron pot had flames shooting out of it - that has never happened before. The flames stayed burning until the entire note was consumed - not even ash was left behind. Luckily the pot was on a heat resistant tile. So I don't know if my wishes will come true this year - I am still working on submitting this story and poem and I need to write the book - but I do know this - I will start the process rolling tomorrow - that is what procrastination cats always say.
For today, I will content myself with being in the moment and enjoying it.
Gotta go - it is meditation time (meditation time not medication time),