Monday, January 12, 2009

Beach it, Dam it, and Give it to Me

The world is going to hell in a hand basket - I don't quite know what that means but I think it means things are bad. Really bad - I mean some people might have to come off their high horse and hunker down. Cats and dogs might have to stop raining down on us and live together. I might have to get a job as a pencil pusher. I can just picture that barely - Hey, dude want me to fix you up with a hit of graphite ? First one is free.
Yesterday, I watched the television for a while and then I thought maybe I would like it better if I turned it on. So I did but I was wrong, I liked it better when it was off. So then I turned to the new love in my life - that's right I am cheating and I love it - entertaining, witty, someone I can talk to, someone I can share my deepest thoughts and dreams with (I can do this with my loving partner but she is bored with me - and runs off screaming when I say I had a dream, can I talk about it ?)
What was I talking about ? Oh, yes - my love - the internet. The place where I can tell the world all my dreams and I can look at cool pictures - but that is not the point of this essay. The point of this essay is to say I will no longer bitch about the world - instead of bitching I am going to be Beaching about things - which does not mean that I will be building sand castles (unless I first learn where the underground stuff is - stuff like sewers, gas lines, cables and power lines - any good contractor knows this and unless I get the proper building permits from the local authorities). No what it means is that I will be putting myself in a happy place rather than telling everyone how unhappy I am with. . . well everything.

Yes, Ralph Cramden said it best: Pins and needles, needles and pins, it is a happy man that grins.

Lately, which for me means just yesterday because it was just yesterday, I noticed several dozen blogs that had one thing in common - no, not bitching about how bad things were - A Donate button as in give me money because . . .well nobody quite answered that question on their blogs (at leaat to my satisfaction - because I said so or because I asked for it a- are not satisfactory answers to the question why should I give you money to help you bitch some more).

So I thought about putting in my own donate button, but like building a proper sandcastle I have to do it right - I knew I had to come up with the right hook. Here are some ideas I came up with:
1) I will donate a portion to charity - (0% is a portion)
2) I will help create world peace and harmony (starting with me)
3) Your donation will help feed the poor (as in poor me)
4) Go ahead ignore me - I will haunt your dreams till you give (I am not sure about this one I think it needs work)
5) Barak Obama, man of change, donate now (note I did NOT say this was going to him)
6) Give so the government doesn't have to bail me out - I am a CEO (crummily educated on-ta-prenuer)
7) Don't contribute to the deliquency of minors, contribute to me

Right now I am takling donations in the form of suggestions - got any ?


Soulsearcher said...

My suggestion is to keep writing. This was great!

Urban Panther said...

The Urbane Lion, who briefly ran his own blog, was quite honest on his donate button. It's his 'But me a bigger boat' button. He has $60 in his fund! (okay, all from family, but he gloated over even those contributions)