I have been doing a semi-meditation for the last few nights. I call it a semi-meditation because I do it with headphones and because I do get interrupted by outside noises (and people). But I feel that something is working because I feel results.
Results are an individual thing - that is my results will not be your results - so I won't talk about what has convinced me that something is happening - I will talk about two things:
1) every night I listen to the same CD playing the same track (where the guided meditation is) and for 4 straight nights - I have heard something different. I think I must zone out every now and then because I miss parts or I hear parts I must have missed on other nights. I wonder why. Perhaps, that part (the one I missed) was not important to me at the moment I missed it. Perhaps, I get a different lesson each night (determined by some internal part of me or by the greater me or by some teacher/guide). Perhaps, each day brings up something new to work on - Perhaps - Just a theory.
2) Last night after the meditation, I was feeling a lot of energy going through me but for once it was not bothersome (it felt more a part of me - like breathing). Despite this energy running through me, I was so relaxed that I fell asleep. I went into a half-sleep state and there in front of me was - a crow.
Smoking Crow, I will call him, told me that he did not like the picture of him in the previous post.
"Makes me look ridiculous." I argued with him.
"Isn't smoke a form of purification? " I asked. He nodded. "And so you are smoking to purify my heart."
"Well, if you put it that way," smoking Crow said, "I guess I did need a big cigarette to purify your heart 'cause it was full of . . ."
"Hey, don't get nasty."
"You started it!"
"You're the one who is too proud to look silly."
"So the pot is calling the kettle black ."
At that moment, a bright light came between us. In the middle of the light was a woman. I knew instantly this woman was Shakti (the female energy of the universe).
"Now boys, " she said in a soft sweet voice, "stop this bickering. Don't you know that you are each part of the other. Isn't it silly to argue with yourself ?" We nodded yes like little children being scolded by our mom.
"I want you two," she continued, "to thank each other."
"For what ?" asked smoking Crow. I was going to ask the same thing but Smoking Crow was faster than me.
"Don't you mean, " I asked, "to forgive each other." I was proud of myself because I thought of this before Smoking Crow.
"No," answered Shakti, "I want you to thank each other for being the way they are in your life. I want you to learn to appreciate every aspect of who you are at this moment. Thanking your adversaries is a good way to start. But don't thank them for one thing or another, just thank them for being the way they are, the total package."
"What's the difference ?" I asked.
"The difference is - you are putting conditions on your gratitude if you thank someone for something. I want you to thank someone with no conditions - total positive regard."
Her words sounded so true that I immediately thanked Smoking Crow. I almost thanked him for having my heart but I realized that would be conditional so I stopped myself and just thanked him. For being himself. I felt a neat feeling, a warm glow, come over me. It was good to thank people unconditionally.
I spent the next half hour conjuring up people, (George Bush, my neighbor, my neighbor's barky dog . . .) and thanking them. I felt good about it as if I was freeing up energy - they seemed to like it (some were surprised by my thanks) and I thought I might do this forever when I ran out of people,places and things to thank - and I fell asleep.
When I woke up, it was morning - I felt refreshed, except that my arms felt tired as if I had been hugging people for hours. Hmmmm, I wonder.
I thank you for being here today,