The Dark Winter NIght of the Soul

Twas a dark and scary night, winter - cold - the kind of cold only a soul can feel when it is hurting and the kind of dark and scary night that creeps all around you, whispering in your ears that you are helpless to fight it. The shadows dance in your mind and you wonder why - why you feel so bad. You are locked in the jail cell of self-repression, you can't seem to find your way out.
Laying in bed is the norm - for days not hours - what is the use, there is no hope in anything.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, I found a tiny voice that said "let go". I fought this voice because I thought letting go was quitting, giving up and that giving up was suicide. I did not want to die. Eventually, I ran out of fight and I let go.

When I let go, when I stopped trying to 'get over' my dark night, I found something strange occurring - I began to feel more peaceful, less dark and stronger.

I began to look at what was haunting me in my dark night and what I found surprised me - the thinigs that were chasing me were not demons, they were answers.

I found that if I was able to face my 'demons' I would learn what I needed to change. What I needed to change in order to get my life back - in order to be happy again.

When I worked through making these changes I found that I was not just happy again - I was happier. Facing my demons had made me better,
Now I don't actively look for demons but when they show up - I face 'em, I deal with them fst not because I want to just get over them but because I know there is a lesson for me there somewhere that I need now.

So light up your life and face the demons,
Frank

Taking out the trash - Serious Saturday

Since next to no one read this on Saturday - because they have better things to do - I find that I can delve into deeper and more serious topics than I normally would. Today's topic is what I call

 taking out the trash - the most important step in your journey 

If you are like me, you have done some work on yourself because life has put you in a place you don't like. You do some introspection or you take some course that works miracles and you feel better. Too often that is where I stopped - the place where I felt better mainly because I felt better. Let's recap the action so far:

1. You feel Bad
2. You want to change things
3. You do something about your feeling bad
   

• this something could be read a self-help book, take a self-help seminar or course, join a support group such as Artist Way or AA or Al-anon. 
• This group or class works for you and you feel better about yourself - at this point, you seemingly have two options

1. Keep digging into your inner landscape via introspection or therapy or both
2. Start living life again

Most people choose option number two which is not a bad thing. But both options leave out a vital step if you want to make progress - Taking out the Trash. 

I call this trash because it is stuff that you no longer need and as trash you need to get rid of it or it will not go away.

The part of your personality that you changed, say being shy or smoking, remains in your inner landscape unless you get rid of it. The best way to get rid of it, is to establish a ritual in which you use symbols to express your desire to rid yourself of this baggage or trash.

One ritual I do is meditation. In my meditation I release all my cares, concerns and  worries to the universe, to God/Goddess - the Creator. I actively offer up my trash. I do this not because I want God to take care of it but because I want to be the best person I can be and I am a better person when I GET RID OF the TRASH. I put it on the Cosmic curb and I let the Garbage Angels take it away. That is my ritual - it seems to work for me - I feel better and I have not been tempted as strongly by bad habits such as procrastination as I used to be. 

 I have done a lot of self-help stuff - a catch-all phrase for workshops , seminars, books, spiritual seeking (another catch-all phrase for dabbling in Native American theology, Buddhism, mysticism . . .) and energy healing. I have been changed by all these things and more but I found that I made real progress when I decided to stop holding onto my trash - old outdated habits and ideas.

Now it is time to do some soul spring cleaning - out with the old and in with the new.

1. I will not actively doubt myself, thus I have to let go of thoughts I have of myself that limit myself.
2. I will not criticize others -  thus I have to let go of the idea that it somehow benefits me to put others down.
3. I want to be active in the achieving my goals - I give up the idea that money will make things all better (also substitute any material thing for money) So thoughts of the winning Lotto ticket bringing me happiness have to go

This is quite a lot to haul to the curb - It lo0ks like I have my work cut out for me. 

Talk to ya later,

Frank

A Bad Ass-itude

This about says it all concerning my attitude today - I need one of these.
It is one of those days in which I had high expectations but as usual I am let down by my performance - I want to write a lot of things and I want to make sense and nonsense at the same time but I feel that I try to please people too much and I need to get back to my work and to take myself seriously.
But then I look at myself and ask "Who would take you seriously ?"
"Somebody who didn't know any better" I answer myself and

I think of the old Groucho Marx (Karl's brother) joke:
I would not want to be part of any club that would have me for a member.

And I think that sums up my bad attitude toward myself to a tee.
And that has me teed off which is a bad thing because it is freezing out and who wants to play golf in the winter - you can get blue balls that way but if you did play with blue balls they would be easy to find even in snow which is a good thing and thus my attitude has come full circle
which is making me dizzy.
I need to get tougher and not to look to others for cues on how I am doing - I need a
Bad Ass-itiude - a black leather psyche with tattoos on my ego.

That's all I'm saying - if you want more - Tough Twinkies
Frank