My Spirit Journeys

Asking More and Better Questions

2009-01-29T08:53:00.006-06:00

An online friend told me that there is a difference between making statements and asking questions.
"Well, duh", I said, "When you ask a question, you want an answer. when you just say something, you only want to be affirmed." I sat back and waited for her to say that's right.

But she did not. instead she added to my statement.
"No I mean - in the brain. I read somewhere that scientists have discovered that when we ask questions, we use a different part of the brain than when we just talk."

If my face could talk, it would have said 'huh?' at that moment.
She continued talking,

"Questions activate the creative side of the brain. Statements activate the side of the brain that does the mundane day-to-day stuff."

"So what does that mean ?" I asked unknowingly activating my creative section of my brain.

"It means that when we ask a question, we activate the part of our brain that seeks an answer. This part of the brain is in touch with the idea center part of the brain and the idea center puts out a signal into the universe that an answer is needed. AND. . ." she paused to take a breath, perhaps to let the weight of what she was saying sink in - I don't know - I did not ask.
But she continued on in spite of me not asking her to.

"that means if you want to attract something into your life you have to ask the right questions. Kind of like the Law of Attraction in question form." She paused and looked at me - silently asking the question 'do you know what I mean ?'

"So you are saying," I decided that I had better speak now or forever hold my ignorance, "that if I ask a question about something I make that something come to me ?"
"No, I am saying that if you ask a question you will make the answer appear in you life."
I was lost, so I asked another question.
"Can you give me an example?"

"Sure, no problem." She winked and smiled as if I had finally asked the right question.
"When I first heard this theory , I decided to test it to see if it worked. I asked myself, 'where can I find the man of my dreams ?' and the answer that came to me was 'out there in the world.'
At that point, I realized two things - one I got an answer and two I need to ask a better question. So I asked myself 'what would the man of my dreams look like, feel like, talk like. . .etc and I began to get a lot more answers. And as I got those answers, I began to realize what I thought the man of my dreams would be like - and that is it - I realized that I was visualizing my dream man and that means I was making this person come into my life." She looked at me to see if I was following this. Surprisingly, I was.

She continued. " Next, I realized I need to ask questions about time.and space."
"Timeand space ?" I asked hoping she would elaborate on that.
"Yeah, like where and when would I find this guy and how could I get him to notice me and what would it feel like if we hit it off ? Lots of questions with answers that help move me towards what I want. Law of Attraction in question form."

"So what you are saying is that if I ask a question, I am asking the universe to give me the answer ?"
"Hey, that is a good question ! I think you are getting this."
"But if you wanted this dream man, and the universe places him in front of you, doesn't he have to be asking to find a dream girl too ?"
"No, but I did want a guy who could understand me and I did want a guy who liked to ask questions because that would mean that he was an explorer-seeker kind of guy. And I did want someone that would be attracted to me and I did want. . ." she stopped and looked me square in the eye with a look of love and a look of hope,
"someone who pay for my lunch today."

When the words fail US

2009-01-26T21:10:00.003-06:00

I have been examining my soul and my inner depths. You might think that this is the same thing but I find it is not so.
The difference is my soul reaches far beyond my experience in this life time on earth. Inner depths are the parts of me that are not visible in everyday life.

I am reading the book "Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron. The current task at hand is to look at at your memories and construct a time line of critical events in your life that shaped you in one way or another. I find this to be a waste of time - one cannot take episodes out of the linear context and expect to know the full story of what was going on at that time in your life.

I believe that it is a far better thing to do something called recapitulation - the freeing up of internal energy that is stuck in some sort of emotional limbo. You can also call this 'letting go' or 'surrender to spirit'.

The process to all three is similar - cutting the bonds that hold us to a place and time and occurrence. This is part where words fail me - I cannot describe the process of doing this - it makes no sense unless I am in the room with you to show you how to do this.

I will however try (don't blame me if this makes no sense).

go to your meditation space and relax yourself, close your eyes
picture a problem in your life (ie you don't like your job), visualize this
feel your body with your mind and find where this problem resides in your body
breathe into the problem, blow air at the problem as if you were pushing a toy sailboat with your breath - what this does is put energy into the problem, you will need to put energy into the problem if you want to get it unstuck
As you begin to unstick your problem energy, images will flash in your mind - these images will be parts of the stuck energy and could give you a clue as to how your energy got stuck in the first place but the important thing in this process is to get your energy unstuck
Some problems are large and cannot be unstuck totally in one session
Some images are so strong you will actually feel like you are re-living the experience that stuck your energy - If this is the case, it is important that you try to be aloof to it - don't get re-sucked into the crap that sucked you in the first place - Keep breathing into the problem and let go, don't defend yourself, let everything proceed without your impedence, just watch and let go - surrender, don't touch anything with your emotions - this might be easier said than done - if you get suck in you can always at anytime let go - remember that.

Once you get more of your energy freed up, you will find that you have more strength and power to accomplish what you want - but you need to keep your energy unstuck and this means that you need to learn lessons that help you do this such as 'not to defend yourself emotionally' - if someone intends to harm you in words or deeds move away from that person, don't try to convince them or defend your position. This is another discussion for another day.

good day,
Taomaster

Call Me Stupid (and the chances are good I'll respond)

2009-01-19T14:56:00.002-06:00

This is not that stupid of a picture - it is not the picture of stupidity but for some stupid reason I decided to post it here. I have never been to despair.com so go there at your own risk. It might just be a stupid website.

You might be noticing a trend here - if you don't you just might be stupid - or slow but I will call you stupid just to keep the theme going.

Anyway, back to this picture. I think that this man is stupid to despair because despair gets nothing done and wastes a lot of energy. Seeing someone despair reminds me a child having a tantrum - I am not sure what good it does.

Perhaps, the man is histrionic and thinks that this is a good way to get his feelings out, or perhaps he thinks that others will take pity on him and help him out if he acts this way. Maybe he has done this before and others have rushed over to help him. If they did, I would have to call them stupid because most likely he is scamming them. I speak from experience. I have been both this stupid guy and the guy trying to help him - not at the same time mind you - that would be stupid and crazy.
There are two laws of helping others that avoid stupid actions :

If you need help - ask for help (making a scene is just stupid)
If someone needs help and asks for help, help them (otherwise use your common sense in trying to figure out who to help)

Now I might be stupid but I think that I might need help - the only thing is: I do not know what I need help with (isn't that stupid) and what kind of help I should accept so until I get smarter I will have to keep quiet, unless of course you are willing to give me a house in Boca Raton (I would not be stupid enough to turn that down.)

Frank

The Dark Winter NIght of the Soul

2009-01-18T22:15:00.002-06:00

Twas a dark and scary night, winter - cold - the kind of cold only a soul can feel when it is hurting and the kind of dark and scary night that creeps all around you, whispering in your ears that you are helpless to fight it. The shadows dance in your mind and you wonder why - why you feel so bad. You are locked in the jail cell of self-repression, you can't seem to find your way out.
Laying in bed is the norm - for days not hours - what is the use, there is no hope in anything.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, I found a tiny voice that said "let go". I fought this voice because I thought letting go was quitting, giving up and that giving up was suicide. I did not want to die. Eventually, I ran out of fight and I let go.

When I let go, when I stopped trying to 'get over' my dark night, I found something strange occurring - I began to feel more peaceful, less dark and stronger.

I began to look at what was haunting me in my dark night and what I found surprised me - the thinigs that were chasing me were not demons, they were answers.

I found that if I was able to face my 'demons' I would learn what I needed to change. What I needed to change in order to get my life back - in order to be happy again.

When I worked through making these changes I found that I was not just happy again - I was happier. Facing my demons had made me better,
Now I don't actively look for demons but when they show up - I face 'em, I deal with them fst not because I want to just get over them but because I know there is a lesson for me there somewhere that I need now.

So light up your life and face the demons,
Frank

Taking out the trash - Serious Saturday

2009-01-17T10:12:00.005-06:00

Since next to no one read this on Saturday - because they have better things to do - I find that I can delve into deeper and more serious topics than I normally would. Today's topic is what I call

taking out the trash - the most important step in your journey

If you are like me, you have done some work on yourself because life has put you in a place you don't like. You do some introspection or you take some course that works miracles and you feel better. Too often that is where I stopped - the place where I felt better mainly because I felt better. Let's recap the action so far:

You feel Bad
You want to change things
You do something about your feeling bad

this something could be read a self-help book, take a self-help seminar or course, join a support group such as Artist Way or AA or Al-anon.
This group or class works for you and you feel better about yourself - at this point, you seemingly have two options

Keep digging into your inner landscape via introspection or therapy or both
Start living life again

Most people choose option number two which is not a bad thing. But both options leave out a vital step if you want to make progress - Taking out the Trash.

I call this trash because it is stuff that you no longer need and as trash you need to get rid of it or it will not go away.

The part of your personality that you changed, say being shy or smoking, remains in your inner landscape unless you get rid of it. The best way to get rid of it, is to establish a ritual in which you use symbols to express your desire to rid yourself of this baggage or trash.

One ritual I do is meditation. In my meditation I release all my cares, concerns and worries to the universe, to God/Goddess - the Creator. I actively offer up my trash. I do this not because I want God to take care of it but because I want to be the best person I can be and I am a better person when I GET RID OF the TRASH. I put it on the Cosmic curb and I let the Garbage Angels take it away. That is my ritual - it seems to work for me - I feel better and I have not been tempted as strongly by bad habits such as procrastination as I used to be.

I have done a lot of self-help stuff - a catch-all phrase for workshops , seminars, books, spiritual seeking (another catch-all phrase for dabbling in Native American theology, Buddhism, mysticism . . .) and energy healing. I have been changed by all these things and more but I found that I made real progress when I decided to stop holding onto my trash - old outdated habits and ideas.

Now it is time to do some soul spring cleaning - out with the old and in with the new.

I will not actively doubt myself, thus I have to let go of thoughts I have of myself that limit myself.
I will not criticize others - thus I have to let go of the idea that it somehow benefits me to put others down.
I want to be active in the achieving my goals - I give up the idea that money will make things all better (also substitute any material thing for money) So thoughts of the winning Lotto ticket bringing me happiness have to go

This is quite a lot to haul to the curb - It lo0ks like I have my work cut out for me.

Talk to ya later,

Frank

A Bad Ass-itude

2009-01-16T15:45:00.003-06:00

This about says it all concerning my attitude today - I need one of these.
It is one of those days in which I had high expectations but as usual I am let down by my performance - I want to write a lot of things and I want to make sense and nonsense at the same time but I feel that I try to please people too much and I need to get back to my work and to take myself seriously.
But then I look at myself and ask "Who would take you seriously ?"
"Somebody who didn't know any better" I answer myself and

I think of the old Groucho Marx (Karl's brother) joke:
I would not want to be part of any club that would have me for a member.

And I think that sums up my bad attitude toward myself to a tee.
And that has me teed off which is a bad thing because it is freezing out and who wants to play golf in the winter - you can get blue balls that way but if you did play with blue balls they would be easy to find even in snow which is a good thing and thus my attitude has come full circle
which is making me dizzy.
I need to get tougher and not to look to others for cues on how I am doing - I need a
Bad Ass-itiude - a black leather psyche with tattoos on my ego.

That's all I'm saying - if you want more - Tough Twinkies
Frank

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore (did it ever ?)

2009-01-15T14:36:00.006-06:00

I will start off by saying the pictures in this post have nothing to do with what I am going to be talking about. I do like coffee and coffee derivatives such as espresso and I have run up quite a tab at the local coffee establishment so I thought I would rent out the top of today's post to appease them but it turns out they don't want their name associated with me so I sort of compromised/blackmailed them and now we are both happy.

The REAL point of this post is or has to do with my new attitude toward life and what it means in terms of my day to day life. I have discovered that attitude is a choice and not just something you have in reaction to some event. And since attitude is a choice I decided to be happy - all the time. Okay, I still honk my horn but I do it happily. And I thank people for giving me the opportunity to test out my new found ability of choosing my attitude by being rude, uninterested and just plain crazy. (You should see their reactions when I say that to them - in my happy voice of course).

I love my new attitude - I love being happy. And lately people have been surprising me - the more I am happy the less I see of unhappy people (some people are unhappy, I come in their line - they get happy - I leave and then . . .well I don't know because I don't stay and watch them, but I am sure that even for a brief moment in their life they are happy. (or happier)

But what does that have to do with Spirituality ? Well, last night I watched Oprah (which comes on after Nightline here in Chicago). She explored the topic of Spirituality (You would think that this is too big of a topic for a one hour show but Oprah pulled it off). The show had an insight which I had not thought before - that Spirituality is an innate instinct which pulls us in directiions unique to us. For example, my spirituality instinct has pulled me in the direction of happy attitude, before that it was kundalini meditation, before that it was healing mantras, before that it was using creative writing to find my voice. I could go on and on. One thing I can count on with my spiritual instinct is that it always leads me to something that helps me grow and very often it leads me to healing expeeriences. I have learned over time to trust my spirituality instinct - it is never boring either.

But that is not the problem - the problem is: my old ways of judging life don't make sense anymore. I don't watch the news anymore because it is full of depressing things I don't care about like who shot who or who cheated who or TIMES ARE BAD stories which also don't seem to serve any piurpose other than to scare you and subtly shape your opinion (after you see 'times are bad' a few hundred times, you begin to believe it - you think sheesh if times weren't bad they would not have told me times were bad so much). Personally, I think things are better and that finally we the people of the good ole USA are facing facts and starting to do positive things, like creating new industries. It does not make sense to me to focus on what is wrong - that is just sending energy to negativity - unless you also present an idea or a forum for ideas to fix it. The news does not do that. I think we need a new kind of news, one where who stabbed who is not featured. Does this amke any sense ?

I guess I could go on but times are bad and I am happy with my attitude and my spirituality and
A CUP OF HOT COFFEE AS ONLY MY LOCAL COFFEESHOP CAN MAKE IT.
makes sense to me.

Enjoy life,
Happy Frank

The Empress Ascends

2009-01-14T22:28:00.003-06:00

(I submitted this piece to the writing contest at http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com
Tell me what you think - Frank)

The Empress Ascends

The Empress sat in her throne wondering and waiting. She liked the throne which is what her son Michael called her chair. It was small like her and over the years she had worn her own personal groove into its padding. It fit her.

She thought of Michael, remembering the day he changed her name from Queen (actually Queen Bitch) to Empress.

“I am giving you a promotion,” he said, “you deserve it for putting up with me.”

A tear came to her eye. A mother should never outlive her child. A mother should never hold her dying son in her arms. But that was years ago and time should help you forget. Only now she want to remember, now she wanted some reason to go on. Her body ached constantly a combination of sciatica, arthritis, and bone loss. She could not sleep anymore and only this chair gave her relief.

Her eyes slowly closed, her breathing slowed and there was a deep quiet in the house. When she opened them again, he was there, sitting on the couch gazing at her. He got up and moved toward her, extending his hand.

“Let me help you,” he said. The Empress wore a dazed expression but did not speak. Instead, she let him help her out of the chair.

As if by some miracle, her steps became easier and by the time they reached the escalator, she could walk on her own.

“Thank you, Michael,” she said as she ascended.

There is Something Appealing About the Absurd

2009-01-13T14:14:00.008-06:00

This all started with an innocent exploration of the internet. A friend told me about her Tarot deck which was based on the Wizard of Oz books of L. Frank (like that name) Baum. I thought the idea of a tarot deck based on something whimsical as interesting. But when I found the deck - I was disappointed - it was boring (at least to me).

However, as my mind wandered, looking for something interesting - I came upon the Housewives Tarot deck and I was hooked. The absurdity of the design somehow kept my interest. To think you could make a tarot deck based upon 40-50's housewives posters was either pure genius or utterly insane - Either way I had to go to their website and see more. Once there, I tried a sample reading - which told me I am great and headed for great things and thus I wanted to buy the deck then and there (note to self - positivity helps sell your product). But since I have over 10 decks already some of which make me wonder why I ever got them - I decided to wait a week or so to see if I still have the same interest.

I started to think about some events that have been happening to me in the last week or so. First I was attracted to this movie called "Super High Me" which I found at my library N,o it is not based upon my college years (decades? I don't remember), it is about a man who wonder if he could stay non-stop high from dope for 30 days. The thought of this makes me shudder. This is absurd but I wondered if . . . - Bottomline: I checked it out but have yet to watch it - However, the absurdity of cover - a clean-cut guy with a mouthful of smoke grabbed m attention and would not let it go.
Next I joined an online Artist Way group and it bugged me that instead of using the book to loosen themselves up, my fellow members were obsessing about if they were doing the exercises the 'right' way - So I started a mock discussion group in which I told everyone (in tongue in cheek manner) the right way to do things - only my 'right' way was totally absurd and undo-able. It is now the most popular discussion group there - my fellow members have by far topped my absurd instructions with their own and have loosened way up.

Next, I submit the piece I commissioned Grant Wood to do - it is of course me and my loving companion. Somehow, I forgot to claim ownership rights to it but that is not the point - the point is this painting is absurd - the woman (my little woman should be holding the pitchfork and it should be pointed at me ! But for some strange reason people like this picture - I know I do. But why? What is it about the absurd that draws us in? I do not know but I think I can tap this absurdity to help me release my creative juices - I have come up with the idea for a
Creative Writing Book for kids of all ages who were told they stink by nuns and English teachers (yeah the title needs work but so what)
I am thinking that the book will appeal to all youse guys

who want to be writers, ( you know - bloggers) who have either no talent or like me, people with a world of talent who are too wimpy to try and publish it.
You see the absurd idea behind this is that I, a person who has never been published could write this book and a publishing company would take me seriously. But say they did, and they wanted me to actually work on this, I think I would look like this (see accompanying photo of me on Navy Pier)
Still there is something appealing about this idea -
perhaps it is the absurdity of my pose.

Surreally yours,
Frank

Beach it, Dam it, and Give it to Me

2009-01-12T12:00:00.006-06:00

The world is going to hell in a hand basket - I don't quite know what that means but I think it means things are bad. Really bad - I mean some people might have to come off their high horse and hunker down. Cats and dogs might have to stop raining down on us and live together. I might have to get a job as a pencil pusher. I can just picture that barely - Hey, dude want me to fix you up with a hit of graphite ? First one is free.
Yesterday, I watched the television for a while and then I thought maybe I would like it better if I turned it on. So I did but I was wrong, I liked it better when it was off. So then I turned to the new love in my life - that's right I am cheating and I love it - entertaining, witty, someone I can talk to, someone I can share my deepest thoughts and dreams with (I can do this with my loving partner but she is bored with me - and runs off screaming when I say I had a dream, can I talk about it ?)
What was I talking about ? Oh, yes - my love - the internet. The place where I can tell the world all my dreams and I can look at cool pictures - but that is not the point of this essay. The point of this essay is to say I will no longer bitch about the world - instead of bitching I am going to be Beaching about things - which does not mean that I will be building sand castles (unless I first learn where the underground stuff is - stuff like sewers, gas lines, cables and power lines - any good contractor knows this and unless I get the proper building permits from the local authorities). No what it means is that I will be putting myself in a happy place rather than telling everyone how unhappy I am with. . . well everything.

Yes, Ralph Cramden said it best: Pins and needles, needles and pins, it is a happy man that grins.

Lately, which for me means just yesterday because it was just yesterday, I noticed several dozen blogs that had one thing in common - no, not bitching about how bad things were - A Donate button as in give me money because . . .well nobody quite answered that question on their blogs (at leaat to my satisfaction - because I said so or because I asked for it a- are not satisfactory answers to the question why should I give you money to help you bitch some more).

So I thought about putting in my own donate button, but like building a proper sandcastle I have to do it right - I knew I had to come up with the right hook. Here are some ideas I came up with:
1) I will donate a portion to charity - (0% is a portion)
2) I will help create world peace and harmony (starting with me)
3) Your donation will help feed the poor (as in poor me)
4) Go ahead ignore me - I will haunt your dreams till you give (I am not sure about this one I think it needs work)
5) Barak Obama, man of change, donate now (note I did NOT say this was going to him)
6) Give so the government doesn't have to bail me out - I am a CEO (crummily educated on-ta-prenuer)
7) Don't contribute to the deliquency of minors, contribute to me

Right now I am takling donations in the form of suggestions - got any ?
Frank

A Hell of an Idea with a Plaid Bandana

2009-01-11T15:04:00.007-06:00

I think I may have found the key - but the real question is to what ? Today I wrote a humorous piece on another website of which I am a member. I was really charged up after I wrote it. I thought if I could be this funny being mindless just think of how funny I could be if I was being mindful. Of course, the next thought I had lead to another thought which lead to another thought and another thought (thoughts do that - they come at you in clusters or gangs at least my thoughts do - they even have colors (Plaid) and a name "Hells' Ideas").

Maybe - I thought - I could write something silly and yet something deep - and then I thought - I wonder if anyone has done this before. So I Goofled "silly deep thoughts " {Editor's note - don't Google 'Goofle' unless you want to see listings for XXX sites] It turns out there was a woman from North Carolina who wrote silly deep thoughts such as 'Did Forks evolve from Spoons" (which is silly because everyone knows Forks were created on the same day as Spoons and both were formed from ribs of the Original Knife)
BUT the point here is that she stopped writing in the middle of 2008 and has not been heard from since SO I can take over the mantle of providing mirth to the masses who are burdened with chronic Heavy Thought Syndrome (HTS). I, myself am a survivor of HTS. For years, I suffered in silence and then I discovered the internet, blogging and peanut butter/onion sandwiches. (Think about that if you dare).
One of my thoughts has challenged me to explain this last picture (because gangs do that - challenge you to prove your worthiness).
This last picture represents my meaningful mirth being a beacon of hope for people who think that the sun is setting on them (or it could be an iPod at a sunrise but that is not as meaningful or hopeful). Remember HTS is the World's largest disease that no one talks about - let's cure it in our lifetime.
I have to go - time to make another peanut butter and onion sandwich - I wonder where my friends have all gone.
MMm untmm ilmm tommorrrmmmow,
Frank

something witty this way comes (NOT)

2009-01-10T12:08:00.006-06:00

This should not have happened - I did all the things that I was supposed to do - My morning pages - my mental preparation - my inspirational readings of the internet blogs -- and here I am with a case of mental block - not knowing what to write about.
So I decided since today is a day no one expects me to have anything on the blog (and because I am committed to blogging 365) - I will write about what blocks me at this moment - and thus I am being mindful (in the moment) and blocked at the same time.

I think that I know what is blocking me - my desire to be meaningful and/or entertaining. I don't know about other people but I can not get enough of people saying "Hey, good job" - I am like a supermodel dealing with food: I know I want it and need it but I keep thinking praise might get in the way of me doing my job (writing). I think that if I write to get praise I will start to write what others want me to write and not what I feel like writing (which at this moment is not a whole hecky-decky lot) Tis a horrid fate to be stuck with Mental Block. Momma's don't let your babies grow up to Writers. I think that my expectations far outweigh my capabilities today.
At least, I think so (isn't that what got me into this mess - thinking)

At this point the goddess of Creative Writing appears and gives me international symbol for be quiet - I think she is telling me to stop thinking so much and just get on with work (fun, play, whatever). At least I hope she is (and not just telling me to shut the pie-hole up.)
So being stuck today without a deep or meaningful thing to say, I have found out something about myself - If I can write this much without having a purpose (other than to fill up space) just think what might happen when I do - this is the year of Obama - the year of hope renewed - the year I might actually get off my arse - I hope.
Frank

Questions I might ask you ?

2009-01-09T11:12:00.007-06:00

As part of my Fake-Till-You-Make-It Friday
I thought I would practice my interviewing skills. Part of being a good interviewer is being present in the moment and sensing what the person being interviewed wants to say and letting them say it. (Unless of course, what they are saying is BS then you need to ask the right questions that get around the BS and into the heart of the matter.)
Question number 1) What is your favorite season ?
(You might think that this question is trivial and it can be but it is a good ice breaker because there is only six distinct answers to this question and it is an open-end invitation to tell me why.) the six answers are fall,winter,spring,summer,all of them,get out of my face - if you answered number 6, you are done - go to comment section.
Question number 2) What dead person had the most influence on your life ?
(This question may seem heavy but most people give flippant answers to this one - i.e. I don't know, no one, Jesus, Buddha, Ronald Reagan, my spouse who is not dead but will be when I get home.)
Question number 3) What was your most shocking moment in life ?
(This question if answered immediately reflects only what you can think of at this point in time - the real answer to this question should be allowed to come forth after a period of reflection. But which ever way you answer this - it is a thought provoking question and as such sets the table for the next question.) When will these questions end ? answer - not yet.
Question number 4) If you had a chance to see the future, would you ?
How much of it would you see ? (any,none, all)
Okay this two questions in one but only if you say yes. The cardinal sin of an intervieewer is too ask a question that can be answered yes or no. I figure by now you might be getting impatient but there can be some gold answers here - like would you look at how you die.
Question Number 5) If you could have a super-power such as super speed, X-ray vision, super-strength, what would it be ? How would this change your life ?
When I was interviewing kids, I would always ask them this question and surprisingly the kids who were going through bad times at home would always say "that's a stupid question." The kids who were happy would never stop at one super-power. [and then I would have hair that grows and grows and then I would be invisible and then. . .)
I think I will end this right now by stating my answers - spring, my father, discovering that my arrival in this world was an unwanted accident, yes and just the day I die, the power to heal - I'd feel like I could help people more

That's all for today,
Frank

I Think I Found It - my voice that is

2009-01-08T12:36:00.005-06:00

Thank you to Toastmasters for this image. The image is called Finding Your Voice.
A whole lot of things happened to me yesterday on this subject so I thought I would write about it today while it is still fresh in my mind and because it is a continuation of what I wrote yesterday. I wanted to be both serious and non-stiff and something more - but I could not put my finger on what that something was.
Getting off this track for a moment, I will say that this is my pet name for God/Goddess: 'and Something More' because it reminds me that no matter how grand I visualize the Supreme Being, HE/SHE is something more, something beyond my comprehension - this helps me keep things in perspective.
Yesterday because of the constant urgings of my loving companion, I went to a open mike session which featured an author who is a professional writer. He read from his book and afterward, he talked about his current book - a tome about golfing with spiritual people - the author was happy because he said someone was paying him to golf, his idea of heaven.
On the drive home, I was bantering this subject around with my loving companion when I said out loud: "I wish I could travel the world, talk to spirit-driven people, and get paid to write about it." A shiver of knowing went down my spine and somewhere inside of me, I knew I had spoken some truth of my soul. I also know that I love to travel and meet people and write and this idea could merge all three worlds - and for some strange reason I could visualize myself doing that. For the next three minutes (until I got home), I was grooving to this idea - my spirit was soaring to the heavens And then I fell back into my household routines and then I read the comments on this blog and again my spirit soared. Thank you for your kind words - they really do make me feel Joy.
So I am going back to work on my new idea for a book about people who have influenced me and how none of them had the full impact I thought they would. But each of them helped me change my world a little - and over time that little rolled downhill and picked up momentum and now I feel as if I have entered a tipping-point zone in which all these littles have merged into a one big change. Surprisingly, I am embracing this big change without internal resistance - it must be the right time. I must be in the right place.
I hope you are getting to your right place too.
Frank

I want It All - No More Limits

2009-01-07T10:54:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, I received a strange comment on my Great Mystery essay. Lots and lots of Scripture text and one line from the sender. I appreciate the effort the sender took in sending this to me but I have to say that I do not look to scripture for answers , I look with my heart for answers. The reason I don't really invest much time in the Bible has nothing to do with the Bible itself. It has to do with my perception of people who read the Bible. I think that the Bible has a lot of nuggets of gold in it (99% of which deal with Jesus, what he said and what he did).
My perception which comes from my experiences of people who read the Bible is this - there are three kinds of them
1) Leaders - you see these people on TV (you know who they are) and in the pulpit. They feel the need to lead. They are constantly telling you what is important about the Bible and why you should DO WHAT THEY SAY. Some like the guy who wrote "Purpose Driven Life" are wonderful and refreshing and everyone can learn from their EXAMPLE.
2) Sheep - these people may or may not really believe the words of the Bible but they do follow the Leaders and try to please them. A lot of young people fall into this catagory.
3) True Seekers - this is the majority of the people who read the Bible, believe it or not, the ones who want to find some answers or maybe some solace. Some (like me) run into Leaders and are scared away by their Big Brother behaviors.
I seek Truth, not someone telling what is the truth. That is why I do not do well in Bible study groups. Now on to the real point of this post - Life Goals.

I want it all. I decided that last night while I was meditating. I want to be spiritual and I want to be funny and I want to have abundance in all phases of my life. Abundance being enough plus some wiggle room. Like having a house with an extra room for whatever may come along, - an unexpected guest, a windfall at a garage sale, a new found desire to paint. . .etc.
Up till now I thought I would have to choose something to be and give up on the rest or regulate the rest to hobby status. I want to be a writer but I want to be a writer that probes (bad word) the depths of spirituality as I see it. The problem with spirituality as I have experienced it is: too-darn-dang-diddly serious. Read this, do that, bow your head, blah, blah blah (see Leaders above) For every spiritual belief there is, Leaders are in abundance and ready to tell you what to do, when to do it. . . especially in the 'new age' movement.
But I want to change that - I want to preach the gospel of joy and fun. To celebrate life in all its lessons and to believe in the God/Goddess that laughs and is fun to be around. I don't mean that I want to get lost in material pursuits - I do mean that the physical world is our classroom - why not take Joyous Fun 101 ? Why do we have to take Dead Serious Religion 101 ?
So getting back to me, I have decided to mix both sides of me together - to have a blog that is fun but might also be heavy. When making this post, I googled 'abundance pictures'. There are a lot of cool looking ones there - check it out. I think that there is a place in this world for me and my fun seriousness (at least I hope it is fun)(but it is for me). I am going to put myself out there - I feel that now is the time and I am the only person who can be me. I want it all.

Till next time,
Frank
P.S. if your comment is longer than my post - it is TOO long.

The Great Mystery, Standing Alone and the Mythological Treadmill

2009-01-06T10:49:00.008-06:00

I am filled with self-doubt today and this reflects in choosing what to write about. Yesterday, I did some morning pages (for a Vein of Gold group I joined online). It was the first time in ages that I did so. I was amazed that I was able to do it in easy fashion and towards the end of it, I came up with several ideas on what to write about today. (I also wrote a poem later that I will post somewhere). But today I feel draggy and dull and dispirited, so I will write a little on each idea to see what happens (inside of me).

The Great Mystery is a catch-all phrase which means all of the following : God (the ultimate mystery), my life (what does it mean, where am I going, who am I . . .) and the world around us (this one completely baffles me). I guess i could include today's post as I have no idea where this is going.

Standing Alone is short for Standing Alone in Silence which based upon my own experience is a goal of meditation and (long pause here) a place where you can find things to manifest like creative ideas. Yesterday, I wrote a poem using this place - it just flowed out of me after I started on the original idea. The after effect of writing the poem was more important - I felt ecstatic, joyful and energy was flowing through me wildly - there was nothing I could not do - I was back - the good feeling of writing was back - but then I did two things guaranteed to destroy creativity 1) I watched TV and 2) I waited for and listened to other's reactions (to my poem)
So now I draggy today. But I will do my morning pages after this, so maybe I can get that good feeling back.

The Mythological Treadmill is what I call my journey to go further - I am not sure where or what further is or even if I would know it if I see it. So each day I stand upon my metaphorical treadmill and do things that I hope take me further.
I was reading the blogs of several blog veterans (people who have blogged for over two years) and I wondered if they ever wanted to go further (to do something deep) or are they content to blog post everyday with slice of life and chit-chat. I came upon a blog which discussed that yesterday (Natural ) What to do when the Thrill is Gone ? I got thinking would I lose the thrill of blogging - Yes, I think I have already in one sense - I have lost thrill of entertaining people - I have been able to post on this blog for over 50 straight days because I love to do it - I think it helps me grow - I think it takes me further - I think it helps me explore the Silence and I think it helps me understand a little of all life's Great Mysterys.

So somehow I was able to weave this mishmash into a somewhat related post.
I thank you for riding on the treadmill with me today,
Frank

Some Scary Bird

2009-01-05T09:52:00.004-06:00

Last night I dreamed about scary animals, polar bears and polar lions (is there such a thing?) and a scary crow-like bird (raven ?). They all had one thing in common, they were out to get me. First I saw the polar lions, (hey they were lions and there was snow on the ground, so they had to be polar lions). I saw them at a distance, they were looking for food - (I thought I might be that food so I ran away). And I found some stones which I picked up and was going to use against them but they never came closer to me.
Next I saw a helicopter, which was carrying a polar bear in a net. The copter opened the net and the polar bear came out and not to far from me (and he looked hungry). But I saw a cabin nearby and I ran there and walked in.
Inside the cabin, there was a contraption (something similar to what you build in the Mouse Trap game, only it was life size). This contraption was not working properly and on top of it sat a scary looking bird. There were several people running around, saying things like 'Oh crap what can we do' and 'the bird, look out for the bird'. There was one man determined to get the bird but he kept walking away from the bird.
So I decided to shoo the bird away and get the contraption working. The bird was sitting right where things had gotten all bottled up - so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone so to speak.
As i got close to the bird, he flew away and I started to get the machine unstuck. The contraption started to work but the man came at me yelling 'What are you doing" and the other people were yelling "the bird, the bird - behind you". I turned around and the bird had been behind me but flew away again. In the meantime, the man climbed up to me and threatened me: "I am going to stop you from getting this machine going," At this point, I did not know what to do but the bird did - he buzzed the man and the man ran away. The bird landed next to me and began to talk.
"Thank you for getting the machine going again. Now I don't have to stand guard anymore. Here is a token of my appreciation." The scary bird gave me a feather. It was black but when I touched it, it turned white.
And at that moment, I realized what the dream meant.
The scary lions and scary polar bear were just that - things that should scare me away but in each instance I found that I was not terrified and I found a peaceful way past these obstacles. The cabin was my heart and the contraption was my creativity. The scary bird was my totem animal who was helping me get my creative flow going again. I am not sure who the man was, either an internal mechanism that no longer worked for my good or an external demon who was gumming up the works or a hybrid of both.
The point is I was able to stand up to scary things and get the process going and I found a friend, a scary looking friend, but a friend nonetheless. So the morale of the story is, Don't judge a bird by its feathers but by its actions.
And the second morale to the story is - don't eat spaghetti and meatballs late at night.

Hope you have your creative flow going,
Frank

New Banner - Same Me

2009-01-04T21:45:00.004-06:00

I thought I would change the picture on the top of this blog - the orange desert was okay for two months but now the current picture is the Moon as seen from either the south pole or the north pole, I don't remember which. A friend sent it to me a few months back.

I have had a big change in attitude lately and for lack of a better reason why - I am going to blame it on my nightly kundalini meditation.
In this meditation there is three stages:
Stage 1) where one relaxes and gives all worries, concerns and obligations to the god/goddess supreme being and asks to align oneself to this higher power which is both internal and all around us,
Stage 2) in which one breathes the 'ocean' breath for two minutes followed by two minutes of the 'fire' breath [the ocean breath is much easier and more relaxing, the fire breath is what actually gets the kundalini energy moving - it is called the fire breath because it feels like a hot energy moving upward along the spine (see diagram).
Stage 3) is a deep, deep meditative state that follows after the fire breathing is ceased. In this state, I have begun to realize that I choose in each and every moment of my life how I perceive myself and my attitude toward what happens in life. It is in this deep meditation that I realized that I can be joyous and positive each and every moment of my life.
I am realizing that my own negativity comes from a routine not from a desire to be negative. And I am realizing that I can break that routine by being mindful in my life.
So I am trying to be mindful, to catch myself when I slip into negative routines and to accept that this will take some practice and getting used to. But I feel that I am getting better at it every day.
And I think that this mindfulness is helping my creative spirit.(I just have to make some time to write more but I know that is coming soon.
Love to you,
Frank

Non-Linear Madness (or Green Book I think)

2009-01-03T10:34:00.007-06:00

Several Years ago, in the far off Land of Markham, USA - I found a magic book in which the question of 'what is happening to me ?' was answered. This book, which has hence forth become known as the Green Book, explained that humanity was going through a period of unprecedented change and that everything will be okay. At the time, I felt that this book was talking to me, as if it had been written with me in mind. Everything in the book seemed to be happening to me. All the changes I was experiencing, the book was explaining. To say the least, the book was a great comfort to me in that time of colossal upheaval in my life.
But nothing the book said could have prepared me for :
The Non-Linear Mind
[Non-Linear Mind is the state of mind in which you do not think in a continuous straight line of reasoning - in 'normal' mind there is A then B then C. . . . all topics or ideas which connect together in a logical progression. In non-linear mind, there is A, B, C with no links between A and B and C, they are just points of focus.]
This state of being in which I am in now fully (there is no going back) is very much like (but not quite) Alzheimer's. It involves focus. If I lose my focus on something (say my glasses) I literally do not remember what happened. I have spent countless amounts of time trying to find where I have left my glasses - you think I would have learned a system but no - everyday I set those glasses down and everyday I have to search the whole house to find them. (It does not help that they are nearly invisible in some settings). My latest trick to solving this problem is wearing a chain around the back of the glasses so that when I take them off they are hanging around my neck - this works but I feel like an old lady librarian. (see photo) I do not mean to insult old ladies or librarians by insinuating that they are less than me, it is just I don't feel comfortable wearing this chain. But it has saved me some time just in these last few days.
But getting back to my point about non-linear mind, you might be thinking how in the world can this state of being be good for you ? The answer is (drum roll) Non-linear mind allows you (or me) to detach from the world much more easily and that allows you to do meditation better, think clearer, and most importantly FEEL.
When you are using non-linear mind, you realize that the brain (mind) is something you created and that this creation works for you and is not you. Non-linear mind a very useful tool.
But it takes getting used to and I as I have said before the first few experiences with non-linear mind can be scary because it truly feels as if you are losing your grip on reality, as if you are coming down with Alzheimer's. So if you forget where you have left the car keys, don't sweat it, you are just moving up to a new level of vibrations, a new level of Um. . . .What was I talking about ?
Bye from Frank (I think)

Thus, I Trust Thee (ForSoothe)

2009-01-02T09:27:00.007-06:00

I have no idea what the title means I just it sounded funny. I was reading a blog (CardioGirl)
And she posed a question of trust - and I thought my answer would be too big to fit on comments (and far too serious).
Trust comes from inside, some people seem to be born with it and others are naive (like myself) and learn the hard way. And others seem never to trust anyone.
Over The Years - I have learned to trust my intuition, my vibes not just in keeping me from harm but also to find the best way for me. How did I do it ? I stopped listening to others and started to listen to me (that internal voice that says YESSS or NO WAY JOSE).
Is it easy to do ? Yes, but the you have to put away your cynical thoughts that tell you it is hard or that no one can do it. TRUST YOURSELF.
Say I go to a party and there is a lot of new people I have never met. Someone comes up to me and says "Hi" .
The first impression of that person is almost always my intuition. (They look nice but something feels not right.) or (He is nothing special but I like him for some reason). I know it is my intuition if the feelings I get don't make sense ( they don't follow the laws of logic). Astonishingly, my vibes are almost always dead on correct.
I do not define trustworthiness in terms of whether or not I keep promises. Trustworthiness for me is whether or not I trust you to be a good friend. Do I talk behind someone's back ? Gossip ? Do I make jokes at the expense of others ? Do I belittle someone ? If I do, I can hardly be a good friend, someone to trust.
I think I am getting better in this area (but the #1 error people make is believing they are better than they really are). I guess I'll just have to trust myself (my intuition) on that.
The bigger trust, the really BIG trust question that I am currently dealing with is TRUSTING GOD. I think it shows how silly I am. Of all the people you can trust, God should be number one, right ? So I think that I need to follow my vibes on this subject and trust in the power of Love.
If I love myself, I will be patient with myself - I will not expect myself to know it all, do it all, or even be it all. Somethings will get done, sometihngs will not. I trust that God loves me unconditionally and that means a lot. I trust that God wants me to find my own way and that is what I am doing. I have made mistakes but I trust that I have learned from them. Yes, I guess I do trust myself and in doing so I can trust others. So yes, I do consider myself trustworthy in deep matters but don't count on me to show up on time. That you can take to the bank.
I trust you will have a good day,
Frank

The Challenge of the New Year

2009-01-01T21:34:00.005-06:00

In the spiral of time, this moment is but a speck and in the shadow of eternity, this life is even smaller. I myself, do not notice any difference between yesterday and today and yet a year is done and a new begins.
I can say I hope you had a happy New Years but I also hope everyday of your life is happy not just new years (eve or day).
I am having a hard time gettting started today - that is why I am doing this at ten in the evening. I've tried to think about something to say but I had nothing all day. Last night I did not do my meditation - New Years Eve was my excuse. Perhaps, that is making me lazy. But I do not think so. I am not lazy I am just . . .
And I will do it later (any later that this will be tomorrow).
But I did do some voodoo magic last night. It seems that I have a clear pyramid with a door that I found on a shelf yesterday as I was cleaning. Inside the pyramid, was a note I wrote two years ago. On the note, I had a list of things that I wanted to accomplish in the next year. Three of these things are as follows: get a poem published, get a story published and get a book published. All had not been accomplished - So I put them into my magic Calderon and lit them on fire. The idea being that I would send the intention of my wishes to the universe by burning off the physical note that held them. They burned slowly and I thought they would go out so I started to do something else - when I looked back the black cast iron pot had flames shooting out of it - that has never happened before. The flames stayed burning until the entire note was consumed - not even ash was left behind. Luckily the pot was on a heat resistant tile. So I don't know if my wishes will come true this year - I am still working on submitting this story and poem and I need to write the book - but I do know this - I will start the process rolling tomorrow - that is what procrastination cats always say.
For today, I will content myself with being in the moment and enjoying it.
Gotta go - it is meditation time (meditation time not medication time),
Frank

JR - the Joyous Rebellion

2008-12-31T12:13:00.004-06:00

joy - a feeling of great pleasure or happiness
rebellion - the action of resisting convention or control

A artist friend of mine was happy about being the artist of the month on a New Zealand website. She wrote on her blog that this was a really big thing to her - then she said that she didn't want to sound so full of herself but I say "Why Not ?"

Why temper yourself in a moment of joy ? Keep that feeling as long as you can. Don't be self-conscious at the cost of your happiness. This is a idea that just came to me -I can create a joyous rebellion inside of myself.
The rebellion is against the parts of me that say I have to be prim and proper - or just so appropriate at the expense of my joy. NO, I choose to let my Joy take over control of me ! I choose to be joyous for as long as I can no matter how goofy I look. I choose Joy over convention.

I am hoping that my joy can spread to others and that they too will choose to be joyous and that they can spread their joy to even more people and we can defeat the control and convention that tells us that we must be afraid or serious or somber. The world needs Joy more than anything else - so have a good time celebrating tonight and let your Joy flag fly.

Hoping you have a joyous holiday season and beyond,
Frank

Freaky Friday on Tuesday( or was it monday)

2008-12-30T09:36:00.004-06:00

I could have titled this reiki part two but to have two part twos in one week is so Hollywood. Instead I will call this stuff - the strange things that happen to me after I do reiki. Not casual reiki (ten or less minutes) but hours of reiki as I did last night (sunday night).
The previous time I did a lot of intense reiki was a couple of weeks ago and I am stil recovering from that - in fact I will never be the same (but that is a good thing because I think that I have gotten rid of some unwanted baggage that I was carrying aroung. Since then I have been in the moment so much - no moment stands out - they are all pack with potential and are all joyous. I might sound like Eckart Tolle but that is how I have been feeling.
The above picture is called the Dream Catcher. It looks like a spirit woman who catches dreams but I thought it would be good to put here because I will talk about dreams. (a little).
I was dreaming Sunday night about a higher entity talking to me - he/she said that I was doing good and that they (don't know who they are) were going to open my sixth or seven gate - I knew that had to do with the energy flowing through my body but somehow the dreaming me knew more - "Do you think I can handle this ?" I asked which was a dumb question because why would they give me something I cannot handle. but the spirit person answered "we'll find out." and if that wasn't ominous enough she added "either way if you burst into flames from the energy or not, you'll be with us." I was really happy for some reason - dreams don't translate well into the everyday world. But at that moment. . .
My wife woke up and was having a cramp in her leg (left calf) and woke me up - I rubbed it and gave her some water because cramps can come from dehydration. As I was rubbing it, I felt some strange energy (like how your foot feels when its alseep, numbing tingles) move up my arm. The energy seemed to be there for a couple of minutes but only as long as I was rubbing her calf.
Now last night I was dreaming that some angels were pulling crap out of me (not actual crap but icky things) and my side was hurting alot - I thought what did I eat ? and then I woke up feeling better and then. . . .
my left calf began to cramp - which was strange because I was not dehydarted and I did not exercise it much either - So I said " get out of my body because you don't belong here" (in my mind not out loud) and the cramp stopped.
So I am blaming it on the Reiki and trying to find some anchor point this morning - a grounding spot. So I thought I would write it down. I know people can't relate but I had to get it out of me.
What does it mean ? I have not a clue. But yesterday out of the clear blue sky, a thought came to me - write what you want to write - and I said yes, I will write what I want to write - and the result is this mishmosh.
Oh well until tomorrow,
Frank

A Little Lotta Reiki

2008-12-29T13:33:00.002-06:00

This is a representation of the 7 major chakras of the human body

Last night, I went to a reiki gathering at the Center. I had to go because I was one of the dudes that was doing the Reiki on the others. We have been doing this for four months now on the last Sunday of each month. I have to admit my enthusiasm was waning. Originally, I thought this would be a way for me to get back into the practice of giving Reiki but petty squabbles as to how to run the show (of which I was part of) were taking its toll on me. I was not having fun which is something I have to have in order to do Reiki. For me, Reiki is the giving of Divine Energy to people through me ( I am the conduit not the Source). As such, it affects me when I give Reiki to others. (It changes me). If I am not in a light mood, I open myself up to all kinds of crap (which is attracted by my crap). Last night, I was in a good mood, so it was easy for me to do this two and a half hours non-stop. I felt wonderful throughout. But the battleground remains for control and I am contemplating ceasing my involvement in it. I still want to do it so I am ambivalent about the whole thing.
The second issue that comes up for me is what the energy does to (for) me. I feel that doing Reiki is a positive thing that alters my own energy in a positive way. But it can make a lot of crazy things happen in one's life. Crazy dreams and stuff. Sometimes I wonder if I have enough whatever to handle the situations that jump in front of me. I have to remind myself that I am never given something I can't handle.
The third point I am going to make is this - Even with reiki energy being sent to them, the Bears still managed to lose. (Sometimes I wonder what good is Reiki.)
Oh well, I am still a bit spacey from yesterday (mostly because sleeping after giving Reiki is a task - I have too much energy flowing through me to sleep so I stay awake most of the night).
Hope tomorrow is better,
Frank

Grounding and other Principles of energy dispertion

2008-12-28T09:44:00.004-06:00

The Principle is elementary - if you don't ground your electrical system, excess energy will shock or fry something (that shock can be a double shock as in I was shocked to see that my toaster fried or I was shocked to be shocked by my toaster.)
When handling electronics such as computers in the winter, one must be careful not to build up a static charge or zap goes the laptop. One grounds oneself by touching something metal( or another person) and thus dissipates the charge. The picture to the left is an actual grounding system obscured by leaves but the yellow rope serves as a guide to show where the system is. The principle of grounding is simple - STAY CONNECTED TO THE EARTH .
One could argue that the reason we are having global ecological trouble is due to the fact that humans think they are above the world (ungrounded). I think that might be true but that is not the focus of my little talk here.
My focus is meditation and the need for grounding before and after meditation. Since I don't know much about meditation other than my own experience - I know that my meditations are getting longer and going further and thus I sense a need for grounding. Some people use other people to ground them (not unlike a static shock) - I use coffee and the internet. But I sense that I need to ground myself to the earth itself more. Except that I am not sure how to do this. I am going to Google grounding to the earth procedures but I think that will get me a lot of electrical technical mumbo jumbo.
Okay, I am back with the earth-shattering news on how to ground yourself after deep meditation:
ASK MOTHER EARTH TO GROUND YOU.
Why didn't I think of that. I guess I was too ungrounded.
I have just come up with another thought - the image of a parent grounding a teenager (or younger person) for their own good because ________(fill in blank). In this image, I see myself as the person being grounded (not allowed to do something) and I think that I might not want to ground myself to the earth and I think that I might want to get strange ideas and make them into stories or whatever.
So now I am stuck - to ground or not to ground. Do I want my feet on the ground or do I want to fly around (become flighty) in the creative ozone. I am not sure.
I guess I will leave it at that today - it is Sunday, a day of being ungrounded.

Happy end of a very long weekend,
Frank

The pretender (part 2)

2008-12-27T22:14:00.002-06:00

The following are the lyrics from Jackson Browne's The Pretender

Im going to rent myself a house
In the shade of the freeway
Im going to pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
Ill go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Ill get up and do it again
Amen
Say it again
Amen

I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening
Ive been aware of the time going by
They say in the end its the wink of an eye
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Youll get up and do it again
Amen

Caught between the longing for love
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the junk man pounds his fender
Where the veterans dream of the fight
Fast asleep at the traffic light
And the children solemnly wait
For the ice cream vendor
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there

Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight

Im going to find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And well fill in the missing colors
In each others paint-by-number dreams
And then well put out dark glasses on
And well make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Well get up and do it again
Get it up again

Im going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Thought true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender

I had originally thought this might be a good theme song for my pretend writer career but after looking at the words I thought this is perhaps the Anti-Theme song for my pretend career as a writer. The main character in the song has the blues because he gave up on his dreams and now lives his life as a pretender, pretending to care, pretending to have spirit, pretending to be alive.

Nope - not for me baby - this song gives me the blues just thinking about giving up on my dream of being a writer, zen master or writing zen master. I might be a happy idiot but I won't be an unhappy idiot. I have a dream of making people smile and think and maybe just maybe getting people to be better at living. Since that is my goal (at least one of them ) I think I have to keep the faith and keep moving in my pretend directions and sooner or later I will get there - I now I will.
I know this might sound silly and pretentious but you should check out my other blog -
Positively Frank
that is down right crazy.
Until tomorrow - keep writing and keep dreaming and keep pretending.
Taomaster

Real or Pretending

2008-12-26T19:28:00.002-06:00

I was reading a book that talked about writing. Trust yourself, the book said. If you have doubt or feel like you can't overcome some obstacle - trust that you can find some way to deal with whatever jumps in your way.
I thought those words were appropriate not just for writing but life in general. Or my life in general - I think that I can become a writer but I too have my doubts.
"Am I pretending to be a writer ?" or am I truly a writer. I met a psychologist who was a very good motivator. He told me to:
Fake it till you make it. His name was Tim Schoor. What he meant was: pretend to be what you want to be - give it all the play energy you got AND one moment, some moment, you will realize your dream - You will become aware that you are what you pretended to be.
Kurt Vonnegut once wrote Be careful what you pretend to be - one day you will wake up and realize that is what you are.
So I am thinking that even if I have not written my best selling novel which will make people crave more - I will pretend to be a successful writer - I will pretend to write stories that markets will buy from me. I will visualize myself signing copies in the bookstore.
Who should I make this out to ?
To my best fan in the whole world,
Taomaster Frank

P.S. I am pretending to be a Tao master too.

A Wish to You on this day

2008-12-25T11:45:00.004-06:00

Harmony,
Peace,
Serenity,
Tranquility

These are things I wish for you on this day - I don't have much time to blog so this is my little post, wish, and greeting all in one.
Taomaster

What a Dream !

2008-12-24T11:14:00.003-06:00

I knew was in dreamland yet the images I saw were so compelling I got lost in them. I will start from the beginning. Last night I listened to my kundalini guided meditation once again. I do this because it seems to be making positive changes in my life - I no longer bee-itch as much and I feel more connected to the earth. Last night I seemed to do the breathing part easier than before. I still felt good and I fell asleep instantly after finishing. And then I dreamed:
I was in hallway in a school, talking with some of friends of mine - they had just taken an exam and were lamenting on not having got certain answers right.
"I can't believe we got tested on the war," one boy was saying, "it was so short I didn't think there would be much on it. Man, was I wrong."
I tried to cheer him up.
"I haven't even taken the test yet." I said. " I've skipped it so far."
The scene shifted - I was in a open warehouse with a lot of other guys. We were all part of an army troop. Our sergeant was talking to us. He was telling us to be careful, that the people may seem nice but they are potential enemies. I looked at myself - I was carrying a large gun like a bazooka. I knew I was in Viet Nam (in dreams you just know stuff). I thought this was strange because I was never in the army and I never went to Viet Nam. My attention shifted back to the sergeant.
"It is kill or be killed." he said staring me in the face.
"No." I said, "I will not kill anybody." The scene shifted and I felt myself being just spirit - I knew I had passed the test. Light was flowing through me and it felt good. But I noticed that I had a hole in my spirit - a small rip - through which the light and energy was leaking out. I knew I needed to fix it. I asked for help and then I was in dreamland again.
I was in a nice building with lots of rooms and there was a ton of people. The people were doing things - craftsmen making intricate designs out of broken things. Other people were watching them. I told one guy that he was great and a little boy scolded me - Don't distract him, he is making that for me. I walked a little further and espied my mother-in-law (who is deceased). She was worried about her husband. "He is going to mess things up." she said. I caught sight of him on the other side of the room and I began to cry, so much so that I fell to the floor sobbing - at moment a dog came licked my face and I stopped and got up. I went up to my father-in-law and I saw that he was lost. He was looking for something from the past, I did not know what it was.
Then I saw a man working on an old bed, he was remaking it into a sparkling brand new bed.
He saw me and said: "This will be your new dream bed."
At this point I woke up. It was morning, time to rise and shine.
I wondered about the meaning of this dream - I am still trying to put it all together.
Frank

Christmas Hermit, thats me

2008-12-23T13:21:00.003-06:00

I like to be alone - I like the feel of no chaotic energy around, I don't hang out in malls. When I give gifts nowadays I give things that can be eaten, drank, or taken in to one's soul. That might make me cheap but it is my token - I want to only to give something especially picked out or made for a certain person.
I don't like my picture taken anymore but if someone wants one to remember me by that is okay. I don't have an pictures of myself around. I am content with how I am right now. I liked this picture because the hermit seems to be looking for something - what I am looking for is both within me and embedded in the world around me. Even in Christmas shoppers. I think the world would be a better place if we all could find more of it within ourselves.
I don't watch too much TV these days - too many commercials telling me that I need to buy stuff in order to make people happy - I like people but I treasure my time alone especially in this holiday season. People give me ideas and energy and love for things. I appreciate them, yet I still treasure my alone time, my anonymous life, Diane calls this - I call it where I want to be.
I googled Buddhist monks (how to be one) just to see if it was something I could do (never pass up a career opportunity I say) - turns out they want you to study the teachings of Buddha (a lot) - sounds like okay but I want to be free to study what comes to me even if it is the crowd of shoppers at the mall. I might find some piece of God's work there - waiting for me to find it. So I am moving through this holiday season as the hermit (or the chameleon in which case you will never notice me because I blend in). Either way I am the Seeker, looking for something invisible and untouchable that runs through the heart of everything.
I hope you find IT in this holiday season,
Frank

I don't know

2008-12-22T09:54:00.003-06:00

Over the course of the last few days, I have attempted to change templates on my Writer's blog. I found out that there is many things you need to know about this especially if you stray from the wonderful templates that Blogger provides. I have to admit I gave into the dark side and decided that my blog would look so cool with a certain look. I picked out my look and found that it did not work.
Through much trial and error, I discovered that having an account on Photobucket would aid the process. I also found out that many 'widgets' are not transferable. Widgets are the little programs that make your pictures, lists, profile etc. show up. I spent hours looking through xml code and I will tell you it is no fun - until you figure it out. Then the light bulb goes off and you slap yourself on the forehead and say "Why didn't I figure that out before."
One of the characteristics of a challenge is having to learn how to deal with it. The challenge's strength (for me) is measured in what did I learn. In the challenge of the template change, I learned about how to do it and I learned that I have changed internally. I used to get frustrated easily, reaching a walking away point was something I could do quickly. This task was frustrating but I never reached the walking away point - I stayed calm the whole time.
Part of the secret of my calmness was medication - Just kidding!!
I was calm because I wanted to learn and I was open to the process of learning. The first step of learning is admitting, you don't know anything. This has been a hard one for me to learn but now that I have - I know that I still don't know much (even about myself).
I think somebody said this already - The wiser you get , the less you know.

I want to live life with an open mind and open heart - I think that means saying "I don't know" a lot more and adding "but I am willing to learn."
But I don't know if that is right.

Trying to be wisely uncertain,
Frank

False Positive or am I happy Yet God ?

2008-12-21T10:39:00.006-06:00

I was walking through the library two days ago, when I spotted a copy of "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting' by Lynn Grabhorn on CD. This was the first book I ever found about the Law of Attraction. I found it very insightful and one concept stood out.
Being Negatively Positive
or Being Negative when you think you are being positive. If it sounds complicated, that is what I thought when I first read it.( 'Huh, how can you be negative when you are being positive ?")
To explain, I will use my own self as an example.
First I will say a negative thought - I hate bitching.
Next I will make it a false positive thought - I don't hate bitching.
Notice that the phrase 'hate bitching' is in both thoughts thus there is a good deal of negativity in both statements. (I could argue that one is not as bad as the other but who cares because the focus of both statements is hating bitching - whether I like it or not I am focusing energy on hating bitching in both statements.) So I will try to shift the focus from hating bitching by saying:
I don't like it when people don't focus on positive things. (Yes, this is better but still has negative content - don't and don't - so let's try something better:
I like when people are positive. (Much better!)
Ms. Grabhorn contends that like attracts like AND what you focus your energy on COMES TO YOU. She also contends that actions speak louder than words - i.e. if you want positive people to come into your life - you need to be positive (especially to other people). She contends that
visualizing what you want is not as strong as feeling that the visualizing is coming true.
For example: I want to be a millionaire - so I visualize someone giving me a million dollars or I visualize looking at a bank statement and seeing seven figures to the left of the decimal point.
But even better than that (according to Lynn) is feeling what it might feel like getting or having that million dollars. I think that feeling (for me) is secure or safe, I would have enough money to do lots of things. The problem is - I think that it would be unbelievabvle if Ed McMahon came knocking on my door. I visualize the people on Home Edition (makeover) and I see myself there getting a new home (that was built in a week) saying - No F***ing Way, Oh man, No way.

Yes, the reason I do not have a million dollars or a new home is - my false positive attitude : I can't see it happening even though I would like it to happen. But I think that I can make it happen (and I think that is a step in the right direction.) Karma is pushing me to be more positive right now. So I think and I feel that being positive is just something you do - not a plan you can make. (and I plan on being positive and asking God to dump a lot of positive things on me). I welcome your positive comments.

Frank

check this link - Lynn Grabhorn

You never know

2008-12-20T09:17:00.003-06:00

One of the great problems of Capitalism is its periods of correction. The flow of Capitalism goes like this:
1) Economy is growing - times are good
2) Economy grows too far (things become worth more than they are worth truly)
3) Economy corrects itself (this is called Depression/and or Recession)

I guess we are on the brink of another correction - one that conjures up thoughts of the last official Depression. I was not alive then but my early childhood was chock full of my aunts, uncles and parents telling me stories about it.
One particular outcome of having lived through a time of very little was the habit of hoarding and no one was a better at it than my Dad.
My father filled his basement workroom shelves and also shelves in the garage with jars of . . . anything and everything (screws of all sizes, nails of all sizes, strange metal pieces that were once part of some contraption, springs, strings, spark plugs (used), rubber things (I am not sure what they were), . . if it came from a machine or could be bought at a hardware store - it was stored in a jar .
"You never know," my Dad would say, "you might need that someday."
Most of the stuff rusted and was never used and got in the way of finding something that would get used. (I forgot to mention that this stuff was not organized - just in jars of various sizes ranging from large canning jars to baby food jars. If it was glass - it got filled with various hunks of metal. He even saved dead batteries. "You never now."
I used to wonder why my Dad saved such obviously useless junk - he was not a mechanical man, he did not build things (not even a bird house) - he much better at destroying mechanical things and saving their parts in jars. (TV broke - so lets save those tubes and the wires - in jars) [He also had drawers that were stuffed beyond max and no one this side of the Hulk could open them. I never found out what was in them.]
But in the strange twists that the Karma path takes us, I think I found a use for his Hoard.
It is something I visualize inside of me when I am trying to deal with a persistent habit or trait that I no longer want as part of me. (Excessive bitching is a good example.) I think of it as a jar of rusty nails sitting on a shelf inside of me.
I ask myself: 'why am I holding onto this habit ? - why am I hoarding this crap ?
I then visualize doing the unthinkable (for my dad): throwing the jar away. A deep breath, inhale and visualize, exhale and throw the jar away. Strangely enough I find that this works.
Now I have to deal with recurring dream of my Dad rummaging through the garbage and exclaiming: "Look what I have found. Did you really want to throw this out ?"

I think that is enough for today.
Hope your correction goes well,
Frank

Stop me if you have heard this one

2008-12-19T09:52:00.003-06:00

A few years back, there was a movement among Christians called:
What would Jesus do ?
It was supposed to inspire people to examine their routines and think about new and better ways to behave. I am not sure of what the movement accomplished but I still see WWJD bracelets at the dollar store - which is a sure sign that somebody thought this fad would sweep the country and was wrong.
So I thought maybe the concept needs to appeal to a broader audience (such as) WWJandBD - What would Jesus and Buddha do ? or perhaps what would Jesus, Our Lady of Guadeloupe and Buddha do ? (besides sell more letters on the bracelet).
I think that one thing they would do for sure (at least in my mind) is get out of politics.
Our Lady was big on praying, Buddha was big on meditating, and Jesus was big on both. I think that all three were HUGE on love and compassion and sharing. I think that Mary has somehow become the christian version of Kuan Yin - the loving female goddess. (I confess that despite being raised a good Catholic, I know next to nothing about Mary - she had Jesus, took him to the temple, lost him, and watched him die - that's it.) But Mary has been making more appearances around the globe than Jesus, Buddha, all other religious icons combined. It makes me think, perhaps I should dump the other guys and start a new movement:
What does Mary say ? The only problem being Mary is not too big among Protestants and they control the religious movements now (or so says FOX news). Would people get behind a new movement based on caring and compassion ?
I Hope so.
Good day to you and try to do what Mary would do,
Frank

Holi-daze (do I give or do I get)

2008-12-18T13:27:00.004-06:00

Tis the season for-giving and for-getting. I think that is what the founders of Christmas must have thought - mid winter is a good time for a festival, the birth of Christ is something to celebrate and if we can all make each other feel appreciated then super-duper.
Somewhere along the years, the third part became associated with gift giving. (i.e. Here is a small token of what you mean to me - gift is given). I think parents lavish gifts on their kids to see their appreciation - Wow Santa got me a ________. I still remember my nephews faces when they unwrapped a box of 25 match box cars - surprise and delight and can't wait to play with it all mixed together. I think everyone wants to feel that feeling at Christmas. I still do.

But I get confused about giving gifts especially to someone I hardly know or to people who seem to have nothing they need or want. "Just give me cash." my mother would say. My father would say "Give more cash than you gave her (my mother)." I once gave them scratch-off lotto tickets - mistake - they wanted winning scratch-off lotto tickets.

I am faced with having to get gifts for a couple of people this year whom I don't know what they want (for under XX dollars). [Yes, I guess there is a price limit on my token of appreciation] Such is the heresy of this holiday.

I want to fore-give everyone (not because of anything they did but because I am in a fore-giving mood) Fore-give is to give before and this is my pre- Christmas gift. I give to you all, my fellow companions on earth, my token of appreciation - which is this mention here, in my sacred place - I love you all and I hope your journey through this life brings you the gift of self-realization (you knowing and loving yourself).

Humble in Your Presence,
Frank

Life is either too Short or My Journey too Long

2008-12-17T13:38:00.004-06:00

I think that life is too short but I also think thank God. Granted there is not enough time to do all the neat stuff I want to do in this lifetime (is there hope for my novel ?), but I think I do have enough time to do certain things I HAVE TO DO.
Number one on that list is - Clearing out Karma.
I figure if something bothers me enough and constantly - it must be Karma.
Karma is the class you HAVE to take in order to graduate. It is the one taught by the toughest, meanest teacher (the one who loves to flunk people).
Right now - the topic in Karma class is : Bitching.
It bothers me - it bothers me when I do it (am I doing it now ?) and it really bothers me when I see others doing it. Especially on blogs. (Am I doing it again ?)
There is one thing I have noticed about my own bitching - it makes me feel righteous.
But it does not change anything about the situation that pissed me off in the first place.
So I have decided to accept bitching in others, even to love it because it probably helps ease the frustration of not being able to change the situation. Buddha says love the bad stuff (or at least appreciate its value). I know I can't and should not want to change others - that is part of their path.
But I have decided that I dislike bitching because I don't like what it does to me. It gives me a false sense of being right. I hope by honoring my bitching I will cease to do it. (Am I bitching about my bitching) - man, this Karma class is hard)
I declare "My Spirit Journeys" a bitch free zone (from now on). Life is too short to waste it Bitching or even bitching about Bitching.

I hope you have a good day (and nothing to bitch about),
Frank

FORGIVENESS VS. THANK YOU

2008-12-16T10:15:00.002-06:00

I have been doing a semi-meditation for the last few nights. I call it a semi-meditation because I do it with headphones and because I do get interrupted by outside noises (and people). But I feel that something is working because I feel results.
Results are an individual thing - that is my results will not be your results - so I won't talk about what has convinced me that something is happening - I will talk about two things:
1) every night I listen to the same CD playing the same track (where the guided meditation is) and for 4 straight nights - I have heard something different. I think I must zone out every now and then because I miss parts or I hear parts I must have missed on other nights. I wonder why. Perhaps, that part (the one I missed) was not important to me at the moment I missed it. Perhaps, I get a different lesson each night (determined by some internal part of me or by the greater me or by some teacher/guide). Perhaps, each day brings up something new to work on - Perhaps - Just a theory.
2) Last night after the meditation, I was feeling a lot of energy going through me but for once it was not bothersome (it felt more a part of me - like breathing). Despite this energy running through me, I was so relaxed that I fell asleep. I went into a half-sleep state and there in front of me was - a crow.
Smoking Crow, I will call him, told me that he did not like the picture of him in the previous post.
"Makes me look ridiculous." I argued with him.
"Isn't smoke a form of purification? " I asked. He nodded. "And so you are smoking to purify my heart."
"Well, if you put it that way," smoking Crow said, "I guess I did need a big cigarette to purify your heart 'cause it was full of . . ."
"Hey, don't get nasty."
"You started it!"
"You're the one who is too proud to look silly."
"So the pot is calling the kettle black ."
At that moment, a bright light came between us. In the middle of the light was a woman. I knew instantly this woman was Shakti (the female energy of the universe).
"Now boys, " she said in a soft sweet voice, "stop this bickering. Don't you know that you are each part of the other. Isn't it silly to argue with yourself ?" We nodded yes like little children being scolded by our mom.
"I want you two," she continued, "to thank each other."
"For what ?" asked smoking Crow. I was going to ask the same thing but Smoking Crow was faster than me.
"Don't you mean, " I asked, "to forgive each other." I was proud of myself because I thought of this before Smoking Crow.
"No," answered Shakti, "I want you to thank each other for being the way they are in your life. I want you to learn to appreciate every aspect of who you are at this moment. Thanking your adversaries is a good way to start. But don't thank them for one thing or another, just thank them for being the way they are, the total package."
"What's the difference ?" I asked.
"The difference is - you are putting conditions on your gratitude if you thank someone for something. I want you to thank someone with no conditions - total positive regard."
Her words sounded so true that I immediately thanked Smoking Crow. I almost thanked him for having my heart but I realized that would be conditional so I stopped myself and just thanked him. For being himself. I felt a neat feeling, a warm glow, come over me. It was good to thank people unconditionally.
I spent the next half hour conjuring up people, (George Bush, my neighbor, my neighbor's barky dog . . .) and thanking them. I felt good about it as if I was freeing up energy - they seemed to like it (some were surprised by my thanks) and I thought I might do this forever when I ran out of people,places and things to thank - and I fell asleep.
When I woke up, it was morning - I felt refreshed, except that my arms felt tired as if I had been hugging people for hours. Hmmmm, I wonder.

I thank you for being here today,
Frank

Things I really really really need to do

2008-12-15T08:47:00.005-06:00

I thought that I would make a list of things that I need to do
1) Eat breakfast - a good start but then I remembered to that I need to make some coffee before that and then I thought I need to get out of bed first and then I thought that I need to wake up first and then I thought I need to stop dreaming first
And that is wher I put my foot down - I never want to stop dreaming
because that is who I am and what I do best - Dream.
I dream about today and how it could be and I dream about tomorrow - I rarely dream about yesterday. But I like to dream so I thought I would dream up a list of things I will do today.
1) eat breakfast - a wonderful breakfast of cold cereal - this is wonderful because I like cold cereal, especially cereal named special K - I think I must be special to be eating a cereal named special. I made some wonderfully hot coffee after I got out of my comfortable bed after I awoke from a deep relaxing sleep. And I never did stop dreaming my wonderful dream of life.

I dream of my day to come - of writing a wonderful post full of meaning and joy. I think that sounds like a good idea.
I dream of returning to my novel - now that I have a wonderful new direction to take it into. I can't wait to get typing. I dream of hitting the 20 K (another special K ?) mark in words. A milestone of focus. I dream of warmer weather and good things to come - a wondrous visit to the library. I have to pick up a new book on Shakti mantras - I think this is a good time for that because I have just learned about Shakti (the female energy of the universe) - I am going to tap into that energy in order to write (create new scenes and action). I know I can do it.
All this dreaming comes from a dream I had last night - a dream of letting go in which strangely enough I let go of all the things I thought I HAD to be doing, a dream in which I found my heart (a crow was using it as an ashtray - "About time you showed up, " said the crow, "I could not think of what else to do with this. I kept hoping you would come get it so I could finally give up smoking."
Unfortunately, the crow never told me how he came in possession of my heart nor did he tell me why he had to smoke or use my heart as an ashtray - neither did he tell me what he was smoking (cigarettes, cigars, tobacco, ?) I guess I have to dream up that.
But the important thing was that I got my heart back (although it was a bit dirty and full of ash) and now I realize that my to do list, like anything else I am going to do from now on - must be done with my heart (and my soul).
The universal sign of heart is a butt and my heart was full of butts - Do you think that means something metaphorical ?

Peace and heart and soul to you today,
Frank

a New Day

2008-12-14T10:35:00.004-06:00

Here is a little story I made in pictures - I hope you can read it. if you can't - click on the top picture and it will become larger.
Have a day to celebrate,
Frank

Smoke, No Mirror

2008-12-13T11:37:00.005-06:00

Sometimes I think I am looking in a mirror but a twist in perspective and voila, I realize I was lost in smoke. Illusionists have used smoke for centuries. The smoke distracts and distorts one's sense of reality
Yesterday, I thought I was facing myself but I was just lost in smoke (illusion). I thought I was stuck between two worlds but in retrospect I find that I am not (I only thought I was). I am much further into the 'next' world than I thought.
Yesterday, I was feeling down (depressed) as if I was hopeless and stuck - not knowing what to do next. So I wrote about it on this blog. And Starngely, that changed things. As soon as I wrote my post - I felt lighter and happier - as if I let go of something. As the day went along, I found that I was getting happier and more empowered.
Then last night it all came together.
Last night, I meditated using a CD I got from the library. It promised the user that marvelous things would happen because the CD was made using 'Brain Sync' (Brain Wave Therapy). I have heard such claims before and have not found marvelous results when I have tried them. But I tried this with an open mind. It was a very strange meditation - full of weird noises - at one point I thought the CD was stuck but it was not - oddly enough I thought the strange noises were pleasant (even when it seemed to be stuck) - I became very relaxed and peaceful.
When the CD ended, I laid still for awhile and thought of being stuck on the edge of two worlds - and my viewpoint shifted and I realized that I was not stuck between these worlds in any other way except mentally - my thoughts had put me in that place not my actions.

Suddenly, the smoke in my mind cleared and I saw myself in a different light. and I knew without a doubt who I really was. I also knew then that the process of the feeling down and lost, was necessary in order for me to seek a different view of myself - in order to know myself better. So take heart, you guys, sometimes feeling the blues is a necessary step on the path to something better.
I am hoping you have a joyful day without too much smoke and mirrors,
Frank
P.S. Sorry again for the bummer of a post yesterday.

Standing in Two Worlds (and getting nowhere)

2008-12-12T09:18:00.003-06:00

The woman on the book cover was looking in the mirror. The name of the book is "Woman on the Edge of Two Worlds". She is facing changes in her body brought about by 'the change of life'.
I also feel as if I am changing in a major way. (Not the change of life - got no hot flashes) but I am beginning to think and act differently (so much so that even I notice it).
For example, I was watching a sit com on TV last night and I changed the channel because I thought the main character was acting selfish and rude to other people. I did not see the humor in it. In general I see TV less as entertainment and more as brain-numbing. Not too ago, I was a television addict. Has the quality of TV programs changed that much, no I think I have.
I am standing in two worlds now - and this is not a good place to be. I am not yet brave enough to let go of the old world (what I used to be) and become the new me. I am like the child who needs to take off the Band-aid but knows it will hurt. Instead of all at once, I am letting time pull it off and time pulls slow. I need to shed it but I am hesitating and procrastinating. I guess I am just a scaredy-cat.
I have gone through many transitions in my life - for some reason this one seems difficult - my feet are encased in mud and cement - I am seemingly paralyzed. Writing is a s struggle but it is also the way I measure my progress - so I keep writing everyday - hoping to work through things.
Sorry for the bummer of a post but I am being true to how I feel today.

Have a good weekend,
Frank

At long last . . .Nothing

2008-12-11T09:36:00.003-06:00

I started to write that I have nothing to write about but then it (the light) dawned on me. I could write about nothing and what that means to me.
The 'Nothing' I am writing about is 'Something to Do'. There is no thing I have to do (today) and then at the moment of realization, my wife come in and reminds me that there is something I have to do. So my illusion of being free to do nothing is shattered. Oh well. Laundry is something.

On Tuesday, I went to a friend's house to watch a movie (an old B &W Fellini movie with subtitles). The main character, a woman, meets a religious brother (a step below a priest) who tells her:
"I have nothing but I am happy." He goes on to tell her that he is happy because he has God in his heart.
For some reason, I wanted to be that brother. I could be happy with nothing or rather having nothing would not bother me if I was happy because as the old saying goes:
Happiness is Bliss.
So nothing to do is an illusion because I want to write this blog - it makes me happy. I don't really worry about how it will sound (read) - It (this blog) is a place where I can let my soul out.
And in doing so I think 'what about a picture ?' A picture would be nice here. So I get one that is not done but I am working on it. The picture wound up being in the front of the post but that is okay - I want to call this picture something but Nothing comes to mind. So I will go back to topic at hand - Nothing.
I had nothing yesterday for class - nothing written, no ideas about what to write, and no idea about what to say. But there was no problem in that. We talked and they read their essays for the last week (about winter was the suggestion) and then . . .
I got an idea - write about what you woulld do if you were supreme ruler of Christmas - if you could make any laws or be GOD for a day and make the world do something. People had no trouble writing about this - in fact they finished ahead of time. Lots of good ideas came from that. But the moral of my story here is - I had nothing and something came out of that (manifested). And it was what I needed.
So: I think it is easier to make something out of nothing (like most arguments),
than to try to hold on to things AND make something happen.
I have to finish now - I have to make something (laundry) happen because I have nothing (no clean clothes).
I wish You nothing today - I hope you can make something out of it,
Frank

The Key is - There is no Key

2008-12-10T09:17:00.006-06:00

..

I love Kung Fu movies - at least ones that feature philosophy (or try to) - I can envision myself within one:
Kung Fu Master: "The answer you seek, grasshopper, is within yourself."
Impetuous Young Student (me): "That's nice, master but tell how to kick my enemies so that I can save the day and get the girl and return peace and harmony to the village. And make it snappy because the bad guys are coming."
Master: "Kicking the bad guys will not solve your problems. Your attitude will."
Student: "They are banging on the door."
Master: "Then keep the door locked for now until you learn about the key."
Student: "What are you talking about? Have you gone crazy ? The bad guys are here."
Master: "No, they are here." (He points to student's heart) "You have allowed them to manifest because you have refused to deal with them inside of yourself. The buffoons outside the door are nothing to me because they do not exist within me. That is the key you seek."
Student: "I beg of you - teach me Super Kung Fu move that will stop these guys and then I will seek the key within."
Master: "Very well - I only do this because this movie would be boring without action scenes. Here is Super Car Wash, Wax on, Wax off move."
Student goes out and wipes out bad guys becomes hero of village, marries girl and then some more bad guys show up at which point, he goes running back to Master. Master tries again to teach him but student only learns enough to get by (deal with situation at hand.)
Repeat over and over.
I must be getting old because I no longer want to run to the master everytime the bad guys show up. I want peace and harmony, so I will seek the key within - I realize that the key is there no key - there is only me and how I treat myself and how that reflects in the world. Do I abuse myself or do I love myself ? That is the question. Since that sounds like Shakesphere, I think I will end now.

Parting with sweet sorrow,
But loving this new day,
Frank

The Write Path

2008-12-09T08:22:00.005-06:00

Knight of Pentacles
in the Past position.

A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.

Hardworking young man with a traditional, orthodox outlook. Utility. An honest, responsible person. Solid progress. Methodical approach to large goals. Financial consultant. Commitment, perseverance, and stamina. A dependable man, if considered a little dull.

The keyword was tarot, that was what I typed into the Google machine and out popped several links - one of which was Llewellyn (renown occult name). The web site featured several tarot decks for sale and a free tarot reading using one of the decks (my choice). I had been searching for a book about tarot but I thought freee is free so why not.
The reading was horrible - I was stupid, delusional, lazy and evil. I deserved the bad things that were coming my way. I tried a different deck and got almost the same reading. In this one I was misguided not quite as stupid but evil and lazy. Four more readings with four more decks - and I came up with the conclusion that my mother was channeling into the website scolding me - So I gave up - I guess I was stupid for getting a reading online and lazy for not writing my novel and stories and all neat things I want to put on this blog. I guess I could be evil - someone might think or believe that (my wife for one) but I draw the line at delusional.
Perhaps, I am delusional thinking I could write a novel by Xmas - but as Frank Sinatra sang:
"I gotta be me, I gotta be free, I gotta be me."

I can only be who I am - Write now - that is what I believe in - Writing. I believe that my truth is coming out in my writing whether it be on this blog or on in my so-called novel. I have to believe that this is the path for me. To write as much and as often as I can.

Forget about Tarot. I want nothing to do with Tarot (at least until I get a reading that tells me what I want to hear - I am great, I smell great (I don't stink), I do lots of stuff (sometimes) and I am a loving soul.)
For me the Write path is about my own truth and my place in this universe. That is all I got.

I hope you find your right path too.
Frank

The Straightjacket of Christmas

2008-12-08T09:29:00.002-06:00

Ah, the Holiday Season is upon us and if I had a nickel or even a penny for everytime someone has told me how stressed or depressed they were, I would have enough money to us all iPhones or iPod Touches.
"There's just so much to do." "I have to get presents for____" "The Parker's invited us over, so I have to bring something baked."
It also seems that every possible hand is extended by charities representing those in need. Give to _____ (twice). Even public television has a pledge drive or two.
All in the name of Holiday Things You Should DO.
How did it get this way ?
My sister likes to dream that the pre1960 years were simpler and easier times. She is half right (in my opinion) they were simpler times but they were not easier. There was just as much for adults to do then as now. Maybe more. I don't know for sure because I was a kid then. Being a kid meant one thing - waiting for Christmas (to see what we would get). That was easy.

Dads and Moms had to somehow get the stuff, wrap it, hide it and take us to family gatherings, church gatherings, neighborhood gatherings, etc... Each gathering involved bringing something, a jello mold or some side dish. Keep in mind that these were the days when nothing was instant. There were no microwaves. Calling someone on the phone was something you did at home.
So my point is : Christmas time was and is always filled with busy-ness.
I feel that the true difference today is that we are trying to do MORE things than they did in past times. Because of technology, we feel that we have more time and thus we want to do more. And we feel that HAVE TO DO MORE. Thus we stretched to our limits and we feel the effects of this.

Four years ago, I had almost nothing to do at Christmas. My extended family was gone and my friends had gone there own ways AND I wanted to be alone. That year, I went through holiday withdrawal - I felt dizzy and disoriented - I had to buy presents for ------ that was where I stopped myself. I had no one to buy gifts for. I had no one I HAD to get a gift for because they were getting me one. So I sat and watched all the other peop0le running around buying stuff and feeling jealous and left out.
Sometime later in that holiday season, I began to break out of my Holiday withdrawal. And in doing so I noticed something - I was free. Free to choose where and when I would go and what I would do - I had escaped the straight-jacket of Christmas obligations. I knew then that I had given myself the greatest Christmas gift ever - freedom.

So this Christmas season, when you complain about the stress of doing too much or about having not enough, drop a nickel in the Grinch Jar then send it to me and I will get us both iPods - if I have enough money that is and have enough time,

Ho Ho Ho,
Frank

I'm Better than You-> IS THAT SO -> Let's fight 'cause I'm right

2008-12-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

"Them's fightin' words." A phrase I heard in some movie or book (okay I didn't hear it in a book).

One of the toughest lessons for me to learn on my current path is the lesson of 'Spiritual Significance'.
At the base of this lesson, is someone (lets say me) who claims to have seen or done something 'Spiritual Significant'. I tell the world or just you, I have seen angels or talked to God or walked on water or that I can see your aura or heal your heart.

What I don't say, but what I imply, is that this 'something' I saw or can do , makes me better than you. (In the eyes of God, the ultimate parent and thus HE likes me better than you). You can have several reactions to my implication but I will zero in on two.

1) You call me a liar (because there is no way, God would like me better than you because you are way better than me)

2) You believe me (and you believe that I am better than you and you begin to worship me).

Both reactions would be the wrong thing to do (if taken by themselves but in the context of a soul's path, they might be the right thing to do at the time) but the greater issue (in the context of this essay) is my having implied that I was more 'Spiritually Significant' than you.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Each and every soul's path is unique - what might be significant to me - might be trivial to you. We are bosses of our own perception. Deep down, our base soul knows what is good for us and what is challenging for us. Indulging too much on anything (even dark chocolate) is not so good for us. A little bit of 'Spiritual Significance' is good for us - it helps me in my dark times (I think remember when I . . . and I think why would that have happened if God didn't think I was special). It is when I think I am more special than you that the trouble starts.

I thought I had learned this lesson (or at least had it under control) but lately I found there is a variation of this lesson that I still had to learn :
I encountered an individual who had a good heart and good intentions but this person could not stop telling me what a wonderful person they were and they could not stop telling me why.
'Can't they see what they are doing ? Pretending to be better than me ?' This person's behavior irritated me. All day long, I kept thinking of this person and getting mad.
So I stopped myself and began to think about why I felt the way I did. I came to the conclusion that I was doing reaction #1 (look up to the start of this article) and in doing so I was exposing my own 'Spiritual Significance' (I was better than this person,: How dare they say they are better than me - I know more about what they are talking about than they ever will - How dare they present themselves as an authority on this.)
Sad to say, I still feel this way. I want to be able to look at this person with love and to understand that it is their path to be this way now. But I don't. I want to jump into my astral plane, fly it over to them and punch them in noggin (to knock some sense into them of course).

So for now I am stuck feeling more better than them. But I'se be working on that, I'm a gonna git it right, git me's educated 'n be better.
than you

Hope you are feeling Spiritually Significant,
Frank

The Dream of Light

2008-12-06T09:10:00.002-06:00

We were talking at our little writers table when someone (I know who but I won't say who) made a remark about myth.
She said "Myths are a good way to describe the indescribable." I agreed and added "Especially, if this indescribable thing is or involves yourself."
So in that spirit, I will tell the tale of a dream I once had, a mythic dream.

I was in a landscape utterly alien and yet I felt very much at home there. In the middle of a seemingly endless forest, dominated by huge tall trees. Unlike the usual forests of earth, there were bushes growing too and smaller trees because the large trees did not block the light - they created the light - a soft, warm green light. There were even large patches of flowers, with red, blue but mostly yellow, some white blooms.

I was lost. I didn't remember walking into these woods and so I did not know how to get out.
I was not upset or panicky about being lost, I was more curious about where I was and what a wondrous place this seemed to be. As I stepped into a flower patch, the flowers moved so that I could have a place to put my foot. I thought that was amazing. I bent down to look at the flower but something else caught my eye - something hiding behind a bush.
For some unknown reason, I said "You can come out, I won't hurt you." Maybe I was thinking of a cat or dog or even a deer. What came out shyly and cautiously was . . . Well - I will say this I had never seen one before - he was bluish with touches of green, furry yet at least half of his body was smooth like a polished stone. He moved towards me but kept a safe distance. He seemed to be sniffing the air as if he could sense me by doing that. Then he walked up to me, reached out, and touched me on the knee (he was only knee high to me). His touch felt warm and pleasant. I was wonderstruck with silence.

He then said, "Its okay." I thought he was talking to me and I was going to answer him because I thought 'Wow, he can talk.' Instead, I realized he was talking to his companions - I realized this because they came out of hiding - from behind every tree, bush, clump of flowers, and even down from the very large trees (I guess they had been among the branches). The largest was maybe waist or thigh high to me, the smallest fit easily in the palm of my hand. They were extremely colorful - I felt as if a paint store had come alive around me. And their shapes, well I will say this - no two were alike. Some looked like strange animals, some were geometric forms (one came up to me and hugged my leg - he was a red cube on top of a green pyramid on top of a blue globe (with legs)). They all had child like personalities, they were extremely happy to see me and they showed their excitement by running around, up and down the trees. and by jumping - everywhere, especially over me. I was getting dizzy watching them. But I loved being with them.

"Who are you ?" I asked. All at once they stopped and it seemed they all were looking at me. A whisper went among them - "He does not know us, He does not know who we are."
One of the largest of them came up to me, sniffed me and said "Its okay, he just needs some knowledge." This creature looked like a cross between a small deer and a fox. Ha also seemed old - older than the rest. He produced a green pyramid and placed it on top of my head. I felt something light set on my head.
"I have given you knowledge of us and a lot of other things." he said to me. The others were happy again and another whisper went among them "Now he knows who we are."
And surprisingly, I did know who they were - they were spirits and keepers of the earth - protectors of all living things - it was they who moved the flowers so that I could walk there.
The old one spoke to me again "Now you must go." and the landscape blurred into a dazzling array of light, I felt myself traveling through this light and then . . .

I woke up. Since that day, people who had known me before thought I seemed different. Even myself.

Now this may or may not have happened in this exact way. The real event was indescribable so I have myth-ized it into something easier to swallow or take in. Thank you Patty for your idea.

Happy Restful Weekend,
Frank

You got to get In, to get Out

2008-12-05T09:08:00.004-06:00

I was excited. My requests at the library came in. Three CD's of the band 'Genesis', Their first (made in '68), their best (in my humble opinion), and their last with Peter Gabriel as the their lead singer.
Of course I loved listening to all three and tried to get my wife who is a Peter Gabriel fan to share my enthusiasm. She did not but not because she did not like them but rather because she could not get to my level of appreciation which is somewhat comparable to a preteen's like of the Jonas brothers or the Twilight movie guy. I gotta have it.
Well, anyway, on the last CD of Genesis with Peter G., there is a mesmerizing song called 'Carpet Crawlers' whose chorus is "You got to get in to get out." And because I listened to that song only 10 times yesterday (with headphones on), it seems to be running through my mind. The beat, the rhythm, the words. And strangely enough, the chorus relates to what I went through (a process) yesterday.
The reiki session the previous night, moved or changed my own energy and in doing so, it brought up into my face a deep combination of hopelessness and despair that floored me. I knew these feelings weren't because of what is going on around me now but they were so strong that I could not feel any hope in living. Big time gloom and Doom. No matter what I tried, they persisted. Right up to and including our little writing meeting at Caribou. Then I began to understand what was going on. We were talking about positivity and treating people with unconditional positive regard. Something in me stirred when we talked about it but I am a slow learner.
Therefore I did not make my gloom busting recovery until, I was driving home discussing what we had just talked about in Caribou with my wife. And suddenly it hit me - all the pieces came together - the reiki seession had loosened up my energy and in doing so it brought to my attention some unresolved 'spiritual crap' which manifested as intense feelings of gloom and doom. These feelings were old feelings from many situations in the past, not just one. They felt very intense because I don't feel them anymore (because I have learned to love myself). But they were inside of me still because I had not let go of them despite feeling better about myself. In short they were dormant and needed to be resolved. The reiki energy brought this dormant crap to my attention (big time) and when I started talking about positivity, I started resolving this old bunch of ickiness.
Back in the bad old days, I felt down about myself and what I could do in the world. I adopted a semi-chronic notion that you survive life. Any good things are just fleeting. Yes, this does sound depressing but that was the way I was. My dreams were allowed to slip away into some twilight zone and I became very depressed. But somehow I was able to start seeing the good in life (meeting my wife helped greatly) and I slowly began to believe in myself and then I began to trust myself and then like and love came later. And I am beginning to live my dreams.

Love is positivity in its highest form. It is my belief that positivity is the cure to all depression - might not be right but that is what I think. SO I APPLIED POSITIVITY AND LOVE TO MY FEELINGS OF DOOM AND GLOOM and they went away. I don't think I have heard the last of them yet but I will be ready next time.
And then there is that song - you got to get in to get out - ringing through my head. And I realize that the words are for me - you have to get in(side yourself) to get (it, the crap) out - and I thank all my lucky stars that I have friends and helpers that aide me when I need them - somehow they got me this song tat this moment to remind me of the work still to be done.

Have to go now and listen to that song one more time,
Frank

Spirit Flowing

2008-12-04T16:29:00.004-06:00

This is a story I wrote yesterday for writing class and today I added to it. I thought it belonged here on this blog.

SPIRIT FLOWING

“Listen,” he said, “you can hear spirit flowing.”
I, of course, could hear nothing, but that is why I was here. I wanted to learn about nature, the world, my place in the world, love, spirituality and him. I wanted to know what made him - him. He was everything I wanted to be, blissful, loving and complete within himself. Confident to the max in whatever he did, even in his mistakes. He radiated something, I will call it good vibes, that drew people in and yet he also had an aloofness to anyone and everyone. No one could be his disciple, he claimed because he was not a teacher, a savior, or a holyman.
“I am just me,” he said often, “whatever that means.”
I was here with him walking down the sidewalk of the big city, listening to cars passing, people chatting on their cell phones, and other various elements of the din around us, trying to hear the unhearable - spirit flowing. I wanted to ask him what it sounded like but I knew he would just look at me funny and say something like -- ’ it is all around you and you claim you cannot hear it. How amusing.’
“What does it sound like ?” I asked anyway letting my curiosity win out over my vanity. He looked into my face and said:
“It sounds like two seekers walking on the sidewalk of a big city listening.”
I have to admit I did not expect him to say that. Before I could ask another stupid question, he put a finger to his lips and sssshhhhed me.
“Spirit moves in everything but sometimes spirit seeks the seekers who try to listen for it.” His eyes scanned the world in front of him as if he was seeing something strange. “Something is about to happen.To us. Something big. I think we should pretend we don’t know it is coming.”
I could not help myself. I had to ask a stupid question. “How do we do that ?”
“Its easy,” he replied, “we just talk and listen to each other and pretend that we can hear or see spirit with our eyes and ears. It is with our inner eyes and ears that we can sense spirit.”
He slapped himself on the forehead as if he had just thought of something obvious. “That’s it. That is why you thought you could not hear spirit as it flowed. You were trying to do it with your ears. That is why you thought less of yourself because you thought you couldn’t do it.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s right.” I said still unsure of myself. “Um, what does spirit feel like ?”
I asked thinking ‘oh man did I just ask another stupid question. What is wrong with me ?’
“I think you are about to find.” he said and then he smiled a huge smile and hugged me. “I think I am jealous of what you are about to feel.”
I looked at him strangely. Crazy thoughts ran amok in my mind. Was he going to do something to me, some voodoo or hypnotism thing or magic spell on me ? Did I trust him ? Fear and panic began to seem into me and then I just said STOP. To myself, of course. I was ready to give myself an internal lecture on how crazy it was to think bad thoughts about him but then I realized I did not have to. I had gone quiet - my internal noise had ceased including my lecturing voice and my stop voice and my low self-esteem voice and my panic voice and my fear voice.
I was quiet. And that is when I felt something stupendous rush up to me and sweep me away in its wake.
The world I called real melted away and instead I saw strands, glowing strands, luminous amber threads, which wove into patterns and these patterns were everywhere and everything. Strangely enough some of these patterns were moving and equally strange, the threads themselves, seemed to be flowing in and out of the patterns. When one of the pattterns came near me, I knew its name was ‘dog’ and at that instance I realized I was still here on earth - I was seeing spirit flow through everything. I realized that the threads were alive, more alive than the patterns they formed. I was awestruck.
At that moment, the patterns and the threads faded and I was alone in darkness. I saw a very bright bluish white cloud and I wanted to go to that cloud. And then I was inside the cloud. I felt a tremendous loving presence all around. I had no mouth so could not talk and I had no mind so I could not think but I felt inquisitive. I felt a question come forth from me - “Are you God ?” I asked the cloud.
“No.” laughed the cloud lovingly. “I am you.”
I felt confused. ‘If I am you then how come I can’t feel this whole cloud. How can I seem to be separate from you ?”
The cloud laughed again. “The ‘you’, you feel you are is only a part of me. There is more of me than you.” I felt more confused than ever but I also felt at peace, taking in the love I felt all around me, allowing it to slake some unknown thirst - a thirst I felt in my heart. The cloud continued, “Don’t worry, it will take you time to understand what you feel now but in time you will.”
I felt a new sensation inside of myself, as if a seed of this cloud was planting itself in me. It was wonderful. I glowed. I wanted to be there - in this moment - forever. For a long time, I can not say how long, I was there in that moment, then I wondered about the real world - how my friend was doing, what he was doing, was I appearing strange to him like a frozen statue. I hoped I was not. And in that moment of wondering, I felt myself moving away from the cloud.
NO. I would not accept that. I want to be with the cloud. I want to be with the greater ME. These feelings were so strong that I found myself back in the cloud. Ahh, home again.
Still, I wonder what he is doing ?
Before I could say ‘no’ again, I was back in my body sitting on a park bench. My friend was looking at me smiling. I started to tell him what I had just experienced but he shushed me again.
“Keep quite and let it soak into your being,” he said, “then you will remember this day for the rest of your life.”
He was right. I still do. And it still makes me smile a huge smile.

The Healer needs Healing (or something)

2008-12-04T09:42:00.002-06:00

Last night, we did something many people during the holidays, visit friends. But the reason we were out on a cold snowy night, was not to just chit-chat (which we did) or to eat snacks (which we did) - we were there to perform Reiki on someone. I actually did energy healing and not Reiki last night but everyone else was doing Reiki so for the purpose of clarity I will say I did reiki.

But the real issue for me was not the naming of what we did, rather the issue I am still dealing with is what the healing did to me. The target of our healing efforts was someone with a major dis-ease. (Yes, I delibrately misspelled that). And because of that I worked with more energy going through me than I ever have before (in this lifetime at least). I realized this in the process of the healing session - the energy flowing through me was hitting my stuff (emotional, mental blocks) as it tried to go through me. So in effect, as I was healing someone I was being healed.

Except I was not laying down relaxing, I was standing up consciously projecting energy at the person being healed. I had to release several unknown things so don't ask me what they were 'cause I don't know. All I know was I was swept away by the energy and yet I was not. I had to focus a ton of effort into doing what I was doing which is unusual for me in a healing session. I am not sure how long we went - maybe an hour and half maybe 2 hours - but by the end I felt strange - mellow and calm and physically good but something had been changed in me and my ego self was working to figure out what it was AND pretend that nothing had changed.
So that left some part of me wondering: what did we just do ? Did it do anything ? Do I have to eat this dip ? Eventually, the dip was consumed by the roving cat and the roving dog had some of the popcorn. All were happy and we went home.

And then I dreamed - I was somewhere with nothing around me. Someone showed me a brass jar whose lid had been sealed some way (solder? welding?). The lid had been broken open. The person showing me this (I did not see them in this dream) said a demon had been sealed inside this jar but was leaking out. They asked if we should seal it back again. I said no, we should remove it altogether. I then raised my hands, palms out and sent a whitish light to the brass jar which lifted off the other person's hand (this was as much of this person as I saw), up into the air where it entered a beam of whitish light coming down and disappeared. Then I woke up.

The dream had been crystal clear and I still remember it. But what does it mean ? If there was a 'demon' did it come from me or the person being healed or the cat ? If it came from me am I going to be a nicer person from now on ? I guess I'll wait and see. In the meantime I feel tired and achey now as if I went through the wringer (a reference to washing mashines of yore).

Reiki, peace and Love to you -
Frank

Is it the Spiral of Life that makes me feel Dizzy

2008-12-03T07:54:00.007-06:00

The other day for a reason known only to my subconscious, I decided to Google (when did google become a verb) the phrase 'Tree of Life'. The response was not what I expected - there were several companies called tree of life mostly green small businesses, a christian book or two and a blog about grandmothers. There was also a wikipedia entry detailing various forms of the tree of life in numerous religions both modern and anceint. The Christian/Hebrew tree of life is the one I was seeking. There is a representation of it to the top of this article. (I found this when I googled 'kabbalah tree 0f life')

According to the Hebrew tradition, the tree of life represents (among other things) the path to God. We, of course, exist at the top of the tree (in Malkuth #10). God exists everywhere of course but Gods domain is just above #1. How one moves from bottom to top is as unique as the individual. One can move in a spiral fashion because this model is two dimensional and the tree is really three (at least) dimensional. One can move in a linear fashion but since one has to touch all the bases so to speak, this does not work so good.
I believe that my own approach is more of a pinball effect, bouncing from one node to another, with an occasional tilting thrown in and also with the occasional TILT light being lit which means the universe does not allow you to cheat yourself of these experiences and you have to start over.
Since I believe in reincarnation, I also believe that each life we live gives us something more in experience points for our journey upward the tree and that when we have accumulated enough points, we get a free game - no that's not right - I think we get to get out of this maze or spiral or celestial game of pinball, simply because we will have proven that we are masters of this puzzle and it no longer challenges us. BUT I reserve the right to be wrong.
This is my theory of Life, which comes complete with visual aides (so far). I think the hard part of life is that we are being bounced around so much (at least I feel I am) we tend to forget that we are making progress (accumulating points) and eventually we will be done.
I am just hoping I don't tilt the damn game again.

Wishing you a joyous Hump day,
Frank
P.S. Here is a link to a lot of neat representations of Tree of Life - click below
Tree of Life images

The Real Me (or Who do I think I am at this point in time)

2008-12-02T09:36:00.003-06:00

Its time to drop all facades and let the real me out. That is the conclusion, I came to last night after I had yet another SO You Think You're a Guru moments. This is the path of logic that I followed:
I always was spiritual when I was a kid but in an effort to fit in I became the chameleon - changing my appearance to fit my surroundings. Then when I found that my chameleon act did work and I did fit in, I made the misstep of thinking it was my act, my facade, that people accepted and not me. And then I made the worse misstep of believing my own act - I thought I was who I was pretending to be. And as the years passed by, I discovered that inside I was displeased with myself because I was not being my true self (except that I focused on the displeasure part and not so much on the not being me part which meant I spent a lot of time and trouble trying to fix the wrong part). And now I am spending time and effort, trying to be who I really am. (the effort comes in weeding out the overgrown patch of chameleon weeds, the ones that pretend to be something else).

So now comes the part where I need to say who I am and then I can determine if this statement is real me or not real me.
1) I like to write [Not real me Because I Love to write]
2) I can't get enough stuff (thoughts, ideas, paths taken, prayers) from true spiritual seekers
[my rule of thumb on how I determine if someone is false or true spiritual seeker - how hard is this person trying to make me their follower] ***this is true me****
3) I am willing to go to hell and back to aid someone(who asks for my help) ***true me***
4) I like to talk to 'invisible helpers' (I use that term because I think that the term 'angels' brings about many, many misconceptions such as blonde haired men and women with feathery wings - the angels I have seen in dreams are beings of energy not feathers - for some strange reason this bugs me) ***true me***
5) I like chocolate (70 % or higher) and coffee - I don't know about this one - I could be, gasp, fooling myself about the coffee. but in general objeccts or things are outside of me and do not show who I am, do they ?
6) I like making lists - not me - I think lists are boring. Opps, I guess I am catering to others if I am worried about being boring.
7) I like to preach - sadly that is real me (one of the things I would like to change because when I preach I tend not to listen and then I lose all the neat stuff others are saying and doing.
8) There is no number eight - just filler here
9) I try to make myself look important by writing bigger lists (not me and is me)
10) I want to be real again and spiritual (I think this is one and the same AND I truly feel this is the real me)

That is all I can think of for now. I guess I'll deal with this stuff as it comes up and as I notice it.

Love yourself because you are like me - a wonder of God,
Frank

A Fish and His Water

2008-12-01T09:36:00.002-06:00

I hate to sound like a broken record but last night I woke up in the middle of the night and found I could not get back to sleep, so I did what I usually do in those cases which is chant mantras and in doing so I found out that chanting mantras is not a very good way to go back to sleep. Why ?

Because I now felt energy, lots of energy flowing through my body (and soul). I briefly considered getting up and having a turkey sandwich because turkey is supposed to contain 'L-Tripofane' or some such chemical that naturally induces sleep but since I was not hungry, I abandoned that plan.
So, I decided that I would explore the energy I was feeling. To do so was easy, just let the feelings come to me. A thought came to me - Do you truly wish to become a guru ? Are you willing to risk all you have now for the pursuit of spiritual progress ?

Granted it waa about 3 am and granted one does not think too much about 'all I have now' at three am. 'Spiritual progress' sounded much more exciting and appealing to me. A Christmas analogy might be something like this: your rich uncle Bob brings in a gift for you. It is in a huge gift wrapped box. He tells you that once you see this gift all the rest of your toys will seem dull. What do you do ? Do you look at your Wetsy Betsy doll, your Transformer action figure action set, and your Chicagopoly game and say no way am I giving these things up. I just got them. Or do you open the big box ?

Surprisingly, some kids might be afraid to open the big box and a few years ago I would have been one of them. But last night, when the big box of spiritual progress was offered to me - I opened it.

What I found inside cannot be described. But I can describe my interpretation of it. Or better yet I can describe what it meant to me. Everything I have ever dreamed about ( in the good dreams) was there and there were instructions on how to get them. Beyond that, a bunch of people stood waiting for me and one in particular showed me the form of the universe, how it works, and beyond that this person showed me an even bigger gift wrapped box. He said that there many more boxes waiting to be opened, each box containing bigger and better toys than the one before. That is the nature of spiritual progress.

I realized that learning manifestation was a cool gift but I really wanted to open the next bigger box. I also realized that like a fish who flies out of water, I had to go back to my native environment before I could move on. I had to practice my out of water breathing, I had to grow some lungs. I did not want to because like a kid I wanted to look inside the next big box but also like a kid, I realized that this toy is pretty cool too. I want to ride this bike for a while.

So I kept saying my mantras which were for growing lungs, I mean becoming a guru.

Happy Monday to you,
Frank

Some Seemingly Unrelated Thoughts that just came to me

2008-11-30T09:42:00.002-06:00

On most days, this journal seems to write itself. I sit down with an idea (or at the most two) plant these idea seeds in the soil of the blog post and like a plant in a science fiction film, a theme grows instantly, sprouting flowers of wisdom and beauty (at least in my eyes), but today is different. Today I feel totally flat, almost devoid of inspiration. So I thought I would write down some thoughts as they come to me.

one - The last lesson I got (that I remember) from my invisible helpers was that healing comes from bringing back parts of the self into 'Loving Balance' a place in which the self is inherently neutral. This neutrality is loving because it regards all creation and souls as equal parts of the Great Mystery that is God in this universe. We are more than brothers and sisters, we are parts of the Ultimate Soul, (the mystery to our eyes is how we fit together - I mean Republicans and Democrats equals ha!) Lately, I have been understanding the previous paragraph which makes me wonder where did that come from ?
And that brings me to point two -
If you chant a mantra thinking it means one thing when in reality it means another, what happens ? Does your intent affect the outcome ? I don't know the answer to that one but I do know that I don't chant mantras - I just say them either silently to myself or in a whisper. One mantra, I had said for over a month dealt with finding a guru (a teacher) [or so I thought]. I found out last night that it really is an invocation to become a guru. Since I said this mantra about a year ago and have not found a guru (in the flesh) I am presuming that my intent was not enough to change the mantra intent. Would that stop me from chanting more mantras ? No way Jose !
Unrelated Point Three - Writing a novel takes time - so I have found out, especially in the hurried frenzy of the holiday season where one HAS to be in so many places in so little time. There are parties to go to and shopping to be done . . . etc. What I have found is that I like to write and because of that I make time to write simply because it is my best option in certain moments. Do I want to watch DEAL OR NO DEAL or write ? I choose writing. Do I want to read the Sunday paper or write ? Again writing wins. I found this out simply by being truthful to myself. Am I stuck in a mindless, flat routine or am I enjoying myself or experiencing something new and challenging (like say trying to make a plot that doesn't produce sleep). Granted, there are places you must go - family gatherings come to mind but even worse than that are Office parties. I find time to write because I enjoy writing. How else could I run 4 blogs, write a novel and cook and clean. Hmm...maybe there is one of those I am neglecting.

Which brings me to point four - Does anyone know the prayer or mantra for getting angels to do the housework ?
Please let me know soon if you do ?
Love and Tao,
Frank

Listening and Noticing

2008-11-29T11:09:00.003-06:00

One of the beauties of this season of holidays, is traditions. I myself, lead a very transient lifestyle, that is, I tend to pour myself in whatever I am doing (say reading a particular author) but a week from now I might not care at all about the very same author. Or the same food, Or the same TV show - things that I once thought I could not live without. I am a changemonger.

But traditions, such as going to grandma's house for thanksgiving, are touchpoints for me, times when I can be in a place I have been before, doing the same things I did before and in these places, these touchpoints, I can compare myself, how I am now, to how I was then, the other times I was in these places.
In the last few years, I have had too build new holiday traditions, as there is no longer a grandma's house to go to. My sister offered me a place at her table but I have refused due to many factor's none the least of which was cost (about 60 dollars and that was just gas, emotional cost was beyond what I wanted to pay). Instead, I have built a new tradition in which I get to be quiet. I let others be the lives of the party because I want to listen, to listen to myself and feel what I am feeling.
For the seemingly first time in my life, I like what I am seeing inside myself. I like who I am becoming. I like listening. In the past, I felt as if I had to put on a show, to show myself as being someone, some role, in which I was important. I had to be the guy who talked authoritatively about how bad the Bears were (the Bears are like most Chicago teams consistently ungood year in and year out, another tradtion), I had to be the one espousing opinions about this and that. Since I was with family, I felt I had to justify my existance. So as the years went on, I began to loathe family gatherings - since I had to be someone else there rather than being myself.
I, of course, see that now in hindsight. I was blind to it then.
But now I can be myself, and I can be aloof if I want to and I can be conversational if I want to.
And in listening to how I feel inside about that, I realize I love being this way. This is a small thing, I have noticed by listening to myself in these touchpoint places, these holiday traditions.

I hope you all are having a great weekend,
Frank

Little Things - Important things

2008-11-28T08:35:00.002-06:00

I am still grateful for my journey on this earth even one day after thanking Day. I still am happy to be writing my so-called novel and part of my thankfulness comes from this fact. I am happy just writing and letting the words come out of me.
There is a part of me, though, that is curious - it wants to know how I got here - it wants a road map, directions just in case it tells me I might get off the writing track again. A sort of How To Do It Again manual. I thought that might not be a half-bad idea, so I began to back track through the events of the past few days and I came up with a curious conclusion which I'll share - I don't really know for sure how I became able to write all of a sudden.

The trail I followed leads like this:
I chanted mantras for three days about removing obstacles Before that,
I chanted a mantra called Om Namah Sivaya for a week or so. Before that,
I was curious what the mantra the author of EAT, PRAY, LOVE chanted in her book and if it would 'do something' to or for me. Before that,
I listened to this book on CDs (unabridged) and was blown away at how wonderfully the author described her experiences. I later picked up the book form of this story, you know the one you can read. The reason being, I want to see what the mantra she was saying looked like. Before that,
I was wandering through the library, searching. like I have many times before for the one book or books that will unlock the door to my writing stuckness. I went to as I have many times before the 700 to 850 section in the dewey decimal system. In that section, the is writing books, poetry books, and illustrated or graphic novels. I did pick a couple of books from that section, but as I was leaving that section I walked past the Books on Tape section which was located adjacent to the 700-800 section. I did what I normally do which is pay no attention to it. However, for some strange unexplainable reason, I saw EAT,PRAY,LOVE sitting there on the shelf and for some unexpalinable reason, I picked it up and put it on my stack of books - I can listen to this on the way to class - I thought not thinking that I once attempted to read this book before and could not get past chnapter two because I was too bored by it. Before that

The local library decided in order to make itself more appealing to the masses, to do away with the dewey decimal system. To accomplish this feat, the staff began moving books all around. Gardening and art books were moved next to Science Fiction Novels, Computer books were moved twice and are now across from Biographies. AND the 700-800 books were moved to the siberia between Books on Tape & Videos (DVDs).
At the time of these movements, I thought the library staff had gone insane.

But as it turns out, this crazy shuffling of books played a role in my journey, in my getting my blocks moved or removed SO
it just goes to show you that you never know which little thing or event is going to have an impact on your life until it does.
Love and Tao,
Frank

Thank Goodness or Show Appreciation for Christ's Sake

2008-11-27T10:18:00.003-06:00

Having read some wonderful posts on things people are thankful for, I was in a quandary.
Do I :
do the same thing and sound like I am trying to make my list as good or better than theirs,
write about what I am going to do today,
or ignore the idea that this is turkey day, and write about what comes to my mind.

I have decided to do none of the above - simply because I am not trying to be more creative but rather because this is my Spiritual blog and Spiritual Stuff is what I put on here.

I have read in books and heard the words of wise spiritual people on the subject of Gratitude (being thankful) and here is some of the stuff I have retained:

1) Be grateful - first and foremost for the gift of life, your life
So here goes - Thank you all of you who are responsible for my being alive here in this body today.

The idea is one of those people you are thanking is yourself. It is important to appreciate the special being you are. It is a special challenge being incarnated here on earth, at least I like to think so, So give yourself an extra pat on the back for that.

2) Be grateful to all your invisible helpers (angels, guides, master teachers . . . etc) It has been my experience, that they do appreciate your thanks whenever and however you give it. Some of my helpers nearly fainted (do spirits faint) when I first began to thank them. ('Oh my God, can you believe it, he thanked us - hey Raphael, look he is thanking us - oh Glorious day, hell must be getting cold)
You might feel a pleasant tingling sensation in your body when you do this - that is your helpers appreciating your expression of gratitude.

3) Warning ! This is advanced level Thanking here - not all people are ready to do this one - So if you think I am crazy for saying this (you might be right) just skip trying to do this.

Give Thank you's to all your enemies and all the challenges (tough times), you have had and the ones you will encounter. Appreciate their efforts in being mean and cruel to you. Strangely enough, some of your worst enemies in this life might be your best friends in the afterlife. They are the ones who agree to take on the thankless role of 'bad guy' so you could learn something. (Note: I said some not all). Your challenges come so you can grow spiritually. If you get sick of the same challenge over and over again, guess what - you might not be learning your lesson.

At this point, I must put in my disclaimer. I am not really a master of the last principle. I still have buttons and still get people coming up to me and pushing them. And I still am not too happy about that. But today is a day to be grateful, so Thank You crappy people who try to wreak havoc on my life (you know who you are)). Ugh, that was tough.

Finally, I will make a few random thank you's.
Thank you to the people who invented all the technology that goes into making this blog, including spell checker. Thank you to all freinds and family. Thank you readers of this blog.

And thank God that this sermonette is over - I hope you did not get too bored.
Happy Turkey day,
Frank

I think it worked. Thank You God

2008-11-26T08:14:00.002-06:00

Having spent most of the day writing, I retired to bed last night and promptly decided NOT to do mantras. (maybe I'll do some this morning). My thinking process (such that it is) went like this -
1) Said mantras previous night
2) nearly stayed awake all night on previous night
3) Don't want to repeat Step 2

Therefore I associated the mantras with staying up all night. And Thus I made my decision.
Then I saw some good stuff (energy and angels and light on the top of my wife's head) and then I fell asleep for all the night and now I am awake feeling way more tired than I did at anytime yesterday. So what conclusion can I make, none - it is all part of the Great Mystery , that is what I call this life, the universe, my wife's logic, my logic, and lots of other stuff which all make up something I call God's Plan which is a Great Mystery (at least to me).

Something I did do yesterday that I had not done before was - writing with no blocks. I was able to write over 2500 words with no second thoughts, no crazymaking, no nothing. Granted I did most of the writing when being bored by filler on Dancing With the Stars (I still don't know who won but will check CNN after this post) (the things I give up for the sake of writing) [the definition of Filler : what they put on the show to fill it up - the real show choosing the winner , and dance competition takes maybe five to ten minutes]
So I want to thank God, the universe, master teachers, guides, angels, and whoever else helped remove those obstacles I had to writing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have to get back writing to finish chapter three.
Wishing you Love and Thankfulness,
Frank

Be careful what you wish for. . .

2008-11-25T09:07:00.002-06:00

The routine was the same as last night - 3 mantras and the intent to learn what to do next, relax and let the universe, my higher self , guides and teachers answer back. Nice and gently.
Three hours later, and I am still getting the answers, almost word for word, each scene in the mini-story is laid out in front of me visually and the words of what the characters are saying are going through my mind, the words of how to set the scene are there too and there seems to be no end in sight for the plot. And that was only with Woman in the haunted house story. I also now know where to take the Suzy Sloan story (girl naked in the snow). That's right her name is now Sloan and she did not have any kids and they are not dead or drowned in the lagoon behind Kmart.

After three hours of Celestial dictation, I am thinking something like this - It is three AM and I am wide awake - was it that coffee I drank at Caribou ? No, I think it is this story dictation, AM I ever going to get to sleep and what will happen when the morning comes ? Will I see the morning or will I wake at one PM ?
I get up and go to the bathroom. I check my wife to see if I have woken her up but no she is sleeping soundly. I think: ' I can do that . I want to do that (sleep)' So I close my eyes and relax and . . .
See the two people who are driving out west stop at an all night cafe, and talk about their ideas for their stories. The guy is eating pancakes, the girl is having a cheeseburger with lettuce but no onions. Both are having coffee, the girl is adding milk and sugar to hers. . . .
This continues for another hour - I know this because at that point I got up and looked at the clock in the kitchen (4:15 AM it says). I go to bed and ask the guides, angels, master teachers, higher self, anybody and everybody - please help me turn this celestial channel off.
The scenes stop and yet they don't - they are all still in front of my eyes on separate screens (or windows) It is as if I have stepped back a step - there is some distance between me and them now but for some reason I look deeply at a screen and . . .
I am back in the haunted mansion story which has moved to main street and into a car.
Wait, I say, I don't want to do this anymore - I just want to go to sleep.
"Then stop looking at the screens" a gentle masculine voice says in my head, "Everytime you look into the screen you will go there. To pull yourself out of the screen, just WILL yourself out of the screen."
What he says seems to make sense to me for some reason. I try to will myself out of this scene, but a part of me wants to see what happens next - "This is a good part " it protests.
I however decide this is enough for tonight and like magic I am out of the scene back in the place where all the screens are. I then realize why these screens are so alluring to me - it is like Television from Heaven - everything I want from a TV show is right in front of me - totally interactive, controlled by some part of me, if I want to freeze frame, the action stops. If I want to change the dialogue - the character says the words I am thinking - it is the visual, sensual realm of my mind and I can make it do anything and yet these stories seem to also be independant of me. Totally addictive.
But somehow I muster the will power to say NO MORE TONIGHT
And then I am asleep (I assume because the next thing I know there is light outside) It is morning, 8AM and strangely enough I feel totally refreshed and ready to write what I have seen last night. I do not understand this but I accept it.
I will post the story of the haunted house later today (if I finish it).
Have a joyous day,
Frank

the TAO of Balance

2008-11-24T11:11:00.005-06:00

I chanted a new mantra last night, actually two new mantras

HAM Sa (pronounced haum sah) it means I am that is. It could be a derivation of Popeye's mantra "I am what I am" but I think it might be the other way around - Popeye's came from this.

OM GUM GANAPATAYEI Nahmaha (PRONOUNCED OHM Goom Gah Nah Pah Tay Ay NAH MAH HAH) It is an invocation to Ganesha (the one who looks like an elephant with multiple arms). He (or she) is the remover of obstacles and so chanting this mantra asks for blocks (this might be a good one for us writers) to be removed or reduced in size so that we mortals can handle them.

Taken together, I intended these two mantras to say - hey, help me get back to who I am (without the baggage I have placed upon myself). Oh I also chanted the other mantra
OM Namah Shivaya, so taken together all three say:
I really want to shed the blocks that keep me from writing
(and I really want to be plain and simple me)
Please help.

The answer I got from this exercise was strange but neat (or cool or rad or phat).
Someone was talking to me in my dream explaining to me about healing. "Healing," the voice said, "is all about bringing the energy that is stuck back into balance. Energy becomes stuck when we fixate on certain emotions and experiences,( for example we worry a lot about something, perhaps not being able to pay bills or how the children are doing or whatever - and this causes us to gunk up our normally free flowing energy and eventually we worry so much that our energy gets really stuck and becomes hard (and virtually lifeless) and when that happens we get sick with big time illnesses such as ulcers and shingles. But don't worry about worrying too much because the voice explained to me how to fix it. (energy out of balance that is) .
The voice said "Balance is the natural state of the human being. All emotion contains its shadow inside of it.For example: All love has a bit of hate in it, all hate has a bit of love in it. You hate someone because you care enough (love) to want them to change. You love someone but you hate some of the things they do. Balance comes from allowing emotions to happen and then letting them go which can be done by activating their opposite emotion. It is easier to let go of the bond with a former love by thinking of all the bad stuff they did. When the letting go takes place, one should bring both emotions back to dormancy and thus balance is achieved."
The voice showed me a vision of the Tao (Yin and Yang symbol) the opposite is within the realm of each element. This visual aide made the presentation easier for me. (see figure above)

I started to wake up at that point and I was going to wake up my wife and tell her all this neat stuff, when the guide or angel or master said not so fast sonny. You have to bring yourself into balance by letting go of stuff you have hated (or strongly disliked) and I don't mean creamed spinach, I mean people or experiences.
Before I could ask what people or experiences, a parade of images marched in front of my eyes. Siblings, a really bad teacher I had, dogmatic righteous zealots etc . . . a seemingly endless parade. Surprisingly I was able to process them fast simply by recognizing that while I hated them, I also had cared about them too. By focusing in on loving them and their faults, I was able to bring my emotions back into balance, and as I did so I felt my energy getting lighter and freer so that each new person in the parade was easier to balance than the last one. I don't think I got them all since I don't remember being finished, I only remember waking up about an hour ago.

But since this dream (if real) did help me process some of my blocks, (as I have no trouble writing this other than spelling wise) I will thank the guides and angels and masters who listened to my prayer and mantra chants and helped me help myself. Much love to you.
Much love to all of you who read this blog and then say nice things - I appreciate that.
Love and Tao,
Frank

It gets WORSE before it gets BETTER

2008-11-23T13:44:00.005-06:00

I don't know how many times I have heard that phrase but I do know I have never liked hearing it. And Yet I say that to a large percentage of the people who i give energy healing to. Why? Because I do not want them to give up on the healing process even if they do not feel instantaneous results (which is the case sometimes). Many people do not feel results right away because they have blocks in place (resistance) to being healed. I am no exception to this.
I have been feeling under the weather (sick) since Wednesday. I thought I was getting better but yesterday I seemed to have had a relapse. Perhaps, I have blocks to my feeling better or attitudes that keep me from getting better. I prefer to think of my current situation as necessary for shedding more of the ego.
Huh, what does that mean you might be asking ? Well, according to my logic, when I get sick, I tend to sleep a lot. And when I sleep a lot, I don't do much of anything else and when I don't do anything - I allow changes inside my core being to happen. So my theory is that I got sick in order to stop myself from being in the world and this(not being affected by the world) allowed me time to change (rewire my innards).
Although I am feeling better now, I am still waiting to see it I need more time to do nothing - and that is why it took me all day to write this.
Internal rewiring is what happens when one takes in some new knowledge or wisdom that runs contrary to previously held beliefs. For example - learning that the world is round might take some rewiring.
And so you might ask what is the great piece of knowledge or wisdom that is causing me to be rewired (and needing rest) ? Unfortunately, I don't quite know right now - my best guess is that I am learning about connectedness and how we all are pieces of the Great Mystery of God - that we all need each other and we all benefit from each others progress. I have seen that in the writing class I teach - when someone makes a new step whether that step being able to write and share or being able to get past the blocks of the past - I feel better. Not because I am teaching them this but because they are showing me how to grow by their example. I am always encouraged by this.
So I truly hope that you all (esp. you Diane) can write a novel by Xmas. If you do, you will be making me feel better and you will be showing all (especially yourself) that it can be done.
That would be my Xmas wish - give me a copy of your novel.

Scary Dreams and Green BREAD

2008-11-22T10:27:00.002-06:00

Don't eat green bread, it might do nothing good for you and it might not be green because of penicillin. And it might cause you to have crazy dreams like the one I had last night. I dreamed that my mother, one or two of my sisters and my wife were all in a lovely house (mansion) together. They walked down a lovely staircase with iron wrought railings and marble steps and they were all dressed in white gowns, not togas but dresses but not quite bridal gowns. A song started playing in the background - "First time I ever saw your face" by Roberta Flack. I knew the song was meant for me and I knew the song was honoring me for some reason. I wondered why and then the scene changed, to a surreal landscape with white pavement and white railroad tracks. A train was coming in the distance and because the tracks seem to wind all over the place, I could see it up close and yet not be in any danger. My mother (still in her white gown) was wandering around the tracks. oblivious to any danger, somewhat like a Tennessee Williams heroine. The other women still dressed in white were there too but only I did something. I went and pushed my mother down before she crossed the tracks just as the train came past. Then I wandered a bit and saw another stretch of tracks and I was nearly doing the same thing, wandering on the tracks with the train coming. I jumped out of the way just in the nick of time.

Then the dream ended, I woke up and felt an immense buzzing in my ears and huge (stronger than I have ever felt) pressure on the top of my head - super massive migraine pain also.

At this point I asked for help, in the form of endorphins (which the higher self can give if a transmission is too strong and yes this transmission was too strong). Within moments, the headache went away but the memory of the dream still lingers.

So a couple of questions remain - first what does this ll mean ? and also did I eat the green bread intentionally so that I could have this dream (or be open to the message that I was receiving) ?

Either way I have to do my daily stuff and errands now so until tomorrow.

Keep dreaming,

Frank

Connectiions, Connectivity or Just Plain Reaching Out

2008-11-21T10:29:00.002-06:00

Today's sermonette features a simple little lesson called "I didn't know that, but I do now." Or it could be called how I decided to stop suffering and listen and ask for help.
One of my lessons to be learned in this lifetime is to listen to people and learn and be connected with people and share And I know I said this was one lesson and HERE NOW in this space I will admit I was wrong but the lesson I started out to write about was Spiritual Significance and the dangers thereof.
I apologize for rambling but that is how mind is working this morning. The last few days I have been mentioning a mantra I was meditating with (OM Namah . . .) and my friend and novel writing buddy Diane said "I googled that mantra and I found out what it means." and I thought at the time "Wow, I did not know that Mantras would be on the internet". So last night I googled "healing mantras" not because I wanted to see for myself but because I was feverish and I wanted to see if there were some magic words that might help because my usual measures of Vitamin C, ginseng, zinc and herbal tea were not working fast enough. My wife offered me some candy and I asked what that would do and she said "Doctors give sugar pills all the time and call them placebos. And if the people believe these pills are going to work most times they do work."
And it might have worked except she told me up front that they were candy.
But the idea of a placebo is what turned me toward the internet - I was trying to type in my novel but I could not focus enough on it so I played with google and the pages that came up. Turns out that the pages that came up all either were by or cited the same guy who I have read books about mantras by (Thomas Ashley-Farrand). These pages explained mantras, showed them and gave the gist of what they might do. At that point, I discovered another mantra which might be better for removing obstacles.
But also at that point I had had enough with trying to write and decided to go to bed. (and also it was bedtime).
In bed I discovered that I was still feeling icky, so I decided to not do anything - no mantras, no breathing consciously, no nothing. But I could not fall asleep, so I decided to meditate without mantras and when that did not work I decided to try an old standby technique - ask the angels for help. I did and they did and I fell alseep and my fever is gone and I feel much better.
But before they did help, they said a couple of things in my mind - 1) What took you so long to ask us ? and 2) Don't forget to ask us help any and evertime.
So today, I will be humble and admit that I can't do it all amd I will ask them to write my Xmas novel.
OM OM Om . . .
They said No.
So I guess I am back to writing myself but I am open to any novel writing mantras, you might find.
Tao everybody,
Frank

The Nothing of Silence

2008-11-20T10:37:00.002-06:00

You might expect to find nothing in silence but if you are like me, you would be wrong.

I have attempted to meditate every night for the past week or so, only to find the silence of the mind can be very dramatic. I guess this is the point where I could use a guru (or somebody who knows about meditating in the silence of the mind(ego)), someone who could say "that is a distraction only and don't take this stuff seriously." Actually, I have read the previous advice in books but without an actual person to verify if this is what they meant, I guess I will have to believe that what I have seen is what these book gurus meant.

Now you might be wondering what it is that I have seen and I will tell you in one word - indescribable. But I will try to capture what happens:

I get my body to relax. I say my mantra 108 times plus one (this represents the 108 energy gates in the human body, the plus one for the total sum of the body)(energy gates are called chakras).

I get my mind to stop talking and then:

things happen - such as people walk into my minds eye, say hello, looking good or some such thing and walk out. Sometimes I don't know these people, sometimes I do.

I might find myself in a strange location, a desert or a forest.

I might 'see' energy flowing all around the room including into me.

I might hear an intense buzzing in my ears or feel a big pressure on the top of my head.

All of these things have one thing in common - if I pursue them, and most times it is hard not to, I will fall out of the silence but not right away. For instance, if I find myself in a forest, I might be able to walk a step or two and maybe touch a tree, then POP - I am back in my body, lying on the bed. And I realize I have to start over relaxing myself again.

But the end result is something I have been seeking and that is to write without blocks showing up to stop me. And that is why I am able to write this piece everyday and write my novel before Xmas. Tao, Frank

Kundilini or Bust

2008-11-19T11:04:00.001-06:00

I have been attempting to access Kundalini Shakti energy the last few nights. In yoga, this is the energy that lies dormant at the base of your spine. If you can get it to flow up your spine, through your chakras, and out the top of your head, you will feel the burning wondrous union with God and also bliss.
I have not been successful yet but I am not really trying either. It just seems that when I was saying my new mantra 'OM Namah Shivaya' the last few nights, the Kundalini energy began moving upward. Two nights ago it reached my heart chakra level and last night, it reached my third eye chakra level. It might just be a distraction used by my ego to stop saying this mantra but for now I am waiting to see what happens.
By the way, this particular mantra is used to reduce the size of one's ego. Initially, or when you begin to use it, you might find great resistance to it, and maybe just maybe this resistance comes from the ego which fears any reduction in its size.
I am not an expert by any means on these subjects, just an experimenter who wants to get rid of ego blocks so I can write more and better.
Tao everybody,
Frank

Death of the Ego (or not)

2008-11-18T10:38:00.002-06:00

I have been practicing using a mantra lately whose purpose is to re-edit the role of the ego. The ego cannot be removed without death which means you are stuck with your ego as long as you are alive.
If your are unsure if you are alive (as I am sometimes when I wake up), just look for your ego. It is that dog/cat/pet/companion that won't go away. It is the part of you that tells you to 'be' a certain way. My own ego was too large, tried to do everything and anything so I decided I should downsize it. MR. Bigshot as he likes to be called, thought I was trying to get rid of him and of course protested. He protests in various ways but last night he protested by trying to depress and scare me. This strategy did not work by it did make me more determined to chant my mantra. And then a miracle happened. We compromised.
I explained to him that he could have more time to relax and because my ego is not active I have less obstacles in my way to getting things done. It is a win-win situation. We both were happy and celebrated by going to sleep Which led to some interesting dreams - but that is another post.

My spiritual journey has taken some strange paths. . .

2008-11-17T11:52:00.000-06:00

In the middle of the night, I wake up. I am startled by the experience I have just had. I think this a good thing. My experience goes like this: I am in a state of non-sleep but I am not awake either - I am feeling down, hopeless and I say "I give up. I quit. I am done." In my mind. But somehow, the universe is listening and responds. I feel a tug in my gut area, as if something is breaking loose and without warning, something flies out of me. I cry. I didn't mean it I say, I don't want to die but my words are useless. Except I did not die and I am not any different. But I know I felt something happen.
I wonder if this feeling was the death of my ego. I know that is not possible but I feel as if I am less that I was before and yet I also feel as if I am more than I was before. I am hoping I have less ego, not because I don't like my ego but because I want to be closer to God. I want to feel the presence of Divine Love (all the time). I don't feel that now and I am bummed about it.
There are two burning questions I have right now: What and When. What is happening to me and When will it stop ?
Lately, I have been chanting a mantra, I found in a book it means - I am what I am. This mantra has caused to me to look at myself and to discard some aspects of me that are not me (they are aspects that of an image I feel I am and yet they are an illusion because they are based on things my ego thinks I should be.
The latest thing I had to let go of is my victim or less than normal ideation of myself. I think that things 'happen to me' or that people are 'doing things to get at me' but that is not true. People are doing things (mostly trying to stay the same) not to me but as a way to control their worlds.
An example - a woman wants me to set up my show table in the same place as last year. I want to be in a different place because last year I did not use this space and this year the space is too cramped for my tastes. I scan the room and find a better place on the opposite wall. There are no people there eating which was my objection from the start but there is another reason I like it and that has to do with the power outlet.
Initially, this woman sees my display and does not like it but she is willing to work with me and move it away from blocking the doorway. Surprisingly, no one knocks it over or bumps into it - other than myself. (in other words, the compromise works and we both get what we want (and my ego has to admit that she was not picking on me. I guess that is my lesson for today.